Agnosticism Theory
by kerricarri
Summary: Team Gai's dynamics are altogether different were Neji female from the start. A Neji with different beliefs, relationships, and one who can barely physically fight, having been denied that right. The Hyuuga are not kind to kunoichi struggling to survive.
1. Prologue, as in Fungus

This is a character study of Neji were he female. As such, this is an AU and there's plenty of serious OOC going around, but there's a reason for everything I do. What that means is everything in this fic should be considered canonical to the confines of this fic only.

This is a serious work and from now on the chapters will most likely be drabble sized, but not necessarily drabbles. Each and every chapter contributes an important parting note and will not exist for the sake of existing. There also won't be any romance.

Otherwise, I am keeping characters in character within the confines of this fic. People will change. Interactions are different. Relationships that never existed before in canon suddenly appear, while other canon existing relationships will be shown in an altered light. I will remain true to the canon plot and my Neji is only similar to canon!Neji because both will generally experience the same things, but both may react and grow in different ways.

That said, an agnostic is someone who intellectually acknowledges the uncertainty of all claims to ultimate knowledge. We all know what the canon, fate-spouting, cocky ass Hyuuga Neji was like before Naruto knocked him out with a punch. This is how I pull off mine.

* * *

When Neji was an academy student, she was a small slip of a girl. Secretly, that was one of the pettiest causes of agitation for her during recess, training, and study hours. Somehow, she appeared as dainty and refined as her surname implied despite her despairingly unfeminine habit of throwing on whatever clothes suited best at the time. It served well enough for formal occasions that called for such demeanors, but in everyday matters...

Despairingly is an apt term because it was the Hyuuga women who liked to look out for her who despaired over her choices in clothing. They never understood that with Neji practical was everything. They also were a large majority of housewives with little shinobi in their ranks.

The clan wasn't a good enough reason, nor their reputation. Her rapidly growing favor with the academy administration and the admiration of allies and rivals alike put a stop to any grumbling complaints of Hyuuga elders who saw one of the clan in riffraff clothing.

But she never was one of them, even when she bore honor to the clan.

And because Neji knew all of that, she had become increasingly frustrated with the sycophantic behavior of the village. In her eyes, only the Hokage was the true dignified front of the world's strongest hidden village.

In her academy days, such cautious reverence from chunnin instructors, due to her clan, was also frustrating. She felt disappointed, cheated even, with the curriculum of the school because it didn't seem to suit her _at all_ and she couldn't quite grasp how it was supposed to help her.

Despite what others may have thought of her, she was not dignified, thoughtful, soft spoken, or even a genius. All she had were slights against her by her own clan and drive.

It was when she was being proclaimed prodigy, genius, _talented_ that finally sent her off in a fury, pushing past hapless villagers and running off into the forest, of all places.

Unfortunately, it would be her first real encounter with the boy named _Rock Lee_. She still had to decide whether it was a good thing or a bad thing.

Rock Lee was a marginally normal boy if you only ignored his fanaticism involving painful after school workouts, as his taijutsu was too pathetic to be attributed as training, and his particular drive to show the world that he, too, could become a shinobi. It was an attitude that was off putting to Neji simply because he was _that loud_. His energy sickened her, his enthusiasm made her cringe, and overall he was a strange creature that she did not understand.

They collided that day. Not literally, but in a way that clashed so much it was a little painful to see. The results could only be described as horrifying.

Rock Lee dropped his training at a heartbeat and challenged her, more of an awkward assault than anything, really. However, Neji easily, and furiously, complied, finding her future teammate a convenient object to vent upon.

Unsurprisingly, Lee lost, and that marked his first defeat at the hands of his self-proclaimed rival. Years later and he was still challenging her, although by then it would simply be a force of habit and genuine desire.

After that day, though, Neji felt a little calmer, a bit more composed to face the world again. What she didn't expect was a new component in the equation of her tiring life.

Rock Lee.

One thing led to another, and suddenly the hot-headed dropout was following her around everywhere leading to the disgruntling medley of annoyed instructors, jealous classmates, and one irate Hyuuga. It was clear who was the most aggravated out of the bunch.

And although the attitude of his peers degenerated and worsened and Neji was learning sharper, newer insults, none of that ever deterred Lee. Eventually, Neji tiredly accepted her fate and moved on, but always on edge when the next glomp would come around the corner.

Finally, she realized, in some twisted way, Rock Lee actually liked her. Having this revelation gave an unpleasant churn in her gut and, disgusted, she confronted the boy about his supposed feelings when she realized the problem was much worser than she thought.

The boy wasn't crushing on her or even in love with her. No, even the latter would have been preferable. Instead, Rock Lee was obsessed with her.

Disturbed, even more disgusted, and now uneasy with the situation, Neji pounded his face into the ground only to see that he was grinning _earnestly_ at her, as if elated to know that Neji _finally_ knew of his true, true feelings. Towards her. And it was such an unorthodox situation that, alternatively frustrated and exasperated, Neji left the scene in a hurry to forget the previous events.

It was not to be. Years passed and Lee's continued embarrassing episodes never ceased, and then they were put on the same team.

There were...no words to describe Neji's displeasure.

Ah, but they'd been through the same routine over and over so Neji, at least, knew what to expect. What she didn't quite predict was the unfortunate...effect Gai-sensei would have on the boy. A very undesirable effect, a change that warped Rock Lee into a boy Neji found more horrifying than the last.

It was honestly not long until Lee started to dress in green. Much to her mortification, he still insisted on gross displays of public affection. It was absurd. It was abnormal. It was...Lee.

Lee was like a fungus. After a very long time, he grew on you.

That was another source of agitation for her, that Lee had grown on her to the point where long silences seemed strange.

Throughout their history, they eventually came to an unspoken agreement. It was left unsaid that if Lee toned down his behavior a little around her that she would deign to train with him as an equal would. Surprisingly, despite her inbred Hyuuga arrogance, she held true to her word. She treated him as an equal, but only on the battlefield.

It was also left unsaid that while Neji had the sliest, subtlest, and quickest method of fighting, her taijutsu was subpar. She never learned the Hyuuga taijutsu style and had to compensate through feverishly studying the academy standard and scrutinizing clansmen in their rare, unguarded moments.

But Neji covered her faults and thatched it over in the only way she knew how, by creativity. Forcing her mind to develop in such a way that she was endlessly watching, noting, remembering, and dissecting, Neji could be tentatively called a genius in the true sense of the word through mind power alone.

However, it was a small reward for what she considered to be one of the greatest slights done against her in all the years that her clan had done her wrong.

Kunoichi training was strictly a supplement to a regular rank. It was optional, but eventual experience in this field was preferred the higher you progressed. The rumors of whether men could participate were sketchy, at best, so it was assumed that, just as the name implied, training as a kunoichi was only for kunoichi.

Poisons. Blades. Subterfuge. Obfuscation. These were all valid points in favor of the specialized training and, contrary to belief, kunoichi didn't sell themselves out as whores even if they went around town proclaiming what should have gone unsaid. Strangely, and frustratingly, most non-kunoichi cannot separate the two preoccupations from each other while the elite simply shook their heads and sighed.

However, as all female shinobi were trained to some degree in arts during their academy years, it was hard to tell who had the basics and who had the true training because the shrewder women kept it under wraps.

But in a clan like the Hyuuga there was no excuse for having a taste of anything of the sort. For example, despite the huge medicinal potential of using Byakugan during procedures it wasn't allowed. Hyuuga, whether men or women, never expressed a desire to become a medic-nin for the shame and dishonor it would bring to their immediate family. Said family would fall in stature within the clan hierarchy, and there were different repercussions for both main and branch house members.

There was a particular taboo for main house Hyuuga to engage in such a common practice and the consequences were more severe for the more regal, nobler half of the clan. It was strange because the elders preached that the branch family members were supposed to protect and serve their stronger counterparts by being warriors and yet the taboo was not so harsh were medic-nins to come from that half.

Another irony of the conflicted clan, it seemed.

But by entering the medical field, a person was declaring themselves a ward of the state. Meaning, the protection of the village was given immediately to the decider once they stepped forward and claimed their status.

There was no such protection for kunoichi.

Kunoichi training was supposed to be a supplement, never the primary. Taijutsu was not taught in that field because the focus was on the technical with little regards to actual practical in terms of the norm of taijutsu, genjutsu, and ninjutsu.

Therefore, combining everything stated above, it could be said that Hyuuga Neji was never taught how to fight. Until she was enrolled into the academy, she never properly learned taijutsu. It was because she had come from such a prominent clan that the instructors never paid much special attention to her because it was assumed that she had already been formally taught by her clan before coming into a public school aimed towards first and second generation shinobi.

Not long after being enrolled, Neji quickly learned of her failed training and that to hide it and to shape it into something useful was the first step to achieving her goal. She worked furiously to make up for her failings, but succeeded too well.

No one ever saw that behind the genius facade was a student struggling to keep up with ordinary, mediocre children who were just playing at shinobi and never had the true drive she had from the start.

However, Neji was still part of a clan and as she was part of a clan she was able to acquire knowledge that ordinary children never could have and was able to gain a mentality that demanded perfection. Therefore, when Neji started to actively use ninjutsu and even dabble in genjutsu, her academy instructors naturally assumed that they were the ones to inspire the drive of learning in her. Neji was a Hyuuga, they would exclaim, and yet she used ordinary techniques and skills that other intensely traditional clan-oriented shinobi would otherwise sneer at.

They patted themselves on the back and moved on.

The fools.

Neji was, unfortunately, not aware that the better she was getting at appearing perfect, the further she was alienating herself from her own peers, how successful she was at driving away teachers.

Consequently, like most kunoichi previously training in the arts, Neji became very good at using weapons.

Through her different explorations of weaponry, it was inevitable that she would run into Tenten sooner or later. The two girls hit it off because of the mutual understanding that they could improve through each other. They were not friends. They were not even allies. They were two kunoichi in a hostile classroom training to enter a hostile world with only a determination to be the best.

There was cautious respect in that loose association, a kind of security in that shallow world where most girls playing at ninja were not at all sincere in their efforts to graduate.

Tenten acted very cool towards her fellow kunoichi. The Hyuuga had a reputation that preceded them and it was not the first time that she encountered someone from a clan who would have sooner spit on her than train with her. There must have been some sort of ulterior motive, she reasoned. Subsequently, there was always a sense of vague distrust in that relationship, but simply by associating herself with Neji was Tenten was able to pick up things and benefit from the Hyuuga's knowledge and intelligence.

But Neji did have an ulterior motive. She knew their alliance would not last and as graduation loomed near so, too, did Neji's panic. She needed to become the best. She _had_ to become the best. And as Tenten was so willing to give up her knowledge, Neji took full advantage of the situation. She used Tenten, and did so gladly. Otherwise, she would never have found worth in the girl and moved hungrily on for newer pursuits, better sources that would train her into a better, stronger fighter.

The two girls hungrily fed off of each other's talents, and they were glad.

Somehow and somewhere along the way, Tenten began to see Neji as something more than a partner and Neji was able to tentatively call the weapons specialist a friend.

What began as a hesitant alliance grew into routine and then into comfortable camaraderie. They were both in it for themselves, but at least with them there were no lies, no disappointments. They knew exactly what to expect, what they were getting out of it, and how to milk the circumstances for all it was worth.

Neji had grown too comfortable with the unorthodox friendship when she was rudely woken up and shown that she was pathetic, useless, and weak.

Most enrolled at the academy when they were around six. Some enrolled earlier, but none came later because it was essential to develop chakra coils for a around six years, five for the natural, and four for the gifted, and training had to take place before seven years of age. Genii like Sandaime Hokage, Orochimaru, and Hatake Kakashi, though, set the precedent for the truly talented to graduate with a minimum of only two intensive years of chakra training before it was declared safe to proceed as shinobi.

During those six turbulent years of developing chakra coils, the earliest eligible date for graduation was legally at least roughly four years of academy experience. Eventually, even clansmen had to enter the academy in order to get the official certification to become genin despite whatever previous training they'd already received. Any protests were soundly cut off because many a councilman reasoned that to in order to keep control over a hidden village, one must have all shinobi registered.

Neji was confident that she would succeed and be able to graduate at the earliest time possible.

However, the lack of taijutsu experience she had, the one she so despised, proved to be her downfall. She failed the exams, was driven into a rage, and couldn't quite endure the knowing smirks of family members when they passed on by. School had become unbearable. She was restless, agitated, and was prone to snapping at any ill attempts of condolences that had once driven a young six-year-old fangirl to tears.

Neji's next response to her failure was to train until she was driven into the ground, half-sobbing and half-screaming. She couldn't quite understand why her taijutsu was failing her, why her fists bled red, why her bones felt like they would shatter, and why she couldn't even properly throw a punch.

Exhausted, she let herself curl on the ground, letting her usual pristine appearance mingle with sweat, blood, and tears until she felt let herself shiver in front of that damned log. Dirt clumps stuck to her clothes like tumorous parasites would, and the next hours after that masochistic training spree would have Neji lying there until her skin felt stiff from the cold and her limbs ached at the angle they rested in.

Too ashamed to go home, to stubborn to leave, she wondered in that hazy sort of sense whether it was worth getting up in order to avoid the coming rain.

Too late. Miserable, cold, and tired, she crawled under the shade of a tree and thought to herself why she even bothered.

The labeled genius was just beginning to drift off when something was yelling at her, calling out to her, and the squelching of mud was her only warning when she was suddenly lifted into skinny, scrawny arms and carried away.

Cutting wind and heavy, beating rain rushed together into a stream of meaningless babble, and the sudden shock of the journey woke her up completely to her screaming, aching body, which felt slow and stupid and sluggish and it was all she could do but blink and bite out, "_Lee_?" before she felt an incredible urge to laugh in hysteria because, hell, what else could a person in the situation do but _laugh_?

But the look on Rock Lee's face was very clear to her. Sometime later, she would feel mortified at what could only be termed as a _rescue_ but she couldn't quite forget how intense his expression was or how he was shaking and she knew it couldn't have been from some measly rain.

The weird, hot-headed dropout wanted to save her? He was a stalker for sure because the training grounds she stumbled across was old, worn down, and forgotten, but he was a...sweet stalker? The very imagery put a bad taste in her mouth and the next day she demanded to know why, pointedly ignoring the fact that she somehow made her way inside a hospital with no memory of such an event. She wanted to know why. Why did he do that, see her at her most weakest, pathetic? How could he subject her to that shame?

But that strange boy only smiled at her and replied, "But Neji-san showed me yesterday that she, too, is a genius of hard work."

And he said no more. She was tired and hungry and she just wanted to sleep, but she managed to wrangle up a twisted smile-smirk _thing _for him before turning away, overwhelmed by recent events and thrown by the sudden change in their relationship. And that was when she knew he was there to stay because Rock Lee was a fungus. He just sort of grew on you.

* * *

This is the prologue and, as such, is written in a style dramatically different from the rest of the fic with the exception of a few future interludes. Expect almost all of the chapters from now on to be consistently short, but each are punctual, snapshot moments in time that contributes a little more to the development of this Neji. This story will be chronological, beginning sometime after Team Gai forms and ends after the Chunnin Exams; I doubt I'd continue.

Also, don't be expecting random OCs, over-the-top OOC, and for the fic to suddenly swerve off course with no reason whatsoever. The concept of a butterfly effect is subtle, gradual, and sneaky as hell, only becoming truly damning when the show's finally over because even though this is an obvious AU, I still strive to be as canonical as possible


	2. The Glomp

Just a small taste of the dynamics of Team Gai, which are kinda scary, but I can't stress enough that what is OOC to canon is in character within this fic's universe. Chapters will get a bit longer and more...insightful from here on. This fic will most definitely continue to be in Neji's POV.

* * *

"Get…off…_me_." 

"Neji-kun is too beautiful for words this fine morning!" the boy screamed into her ear. "YOSH! Do me the honor of sparring with me, Neji-kun!!"

She twitched at the endearment. Anyone else would be have been happy to receive such adoring words...but not her. For all that she was worth, she glared at her teammate fiercely. Her hawkish gaze was narrowed, but Lee ignored it blithely, as was his way.

And he kept _hugging_ her!

Like a statue, Neji stood there, a most stoic countenance present on her face. It was quickly threatening to collapse any second, that weary sort of hopelessness in her eyes beginning to show through. It wasn't enough that she had to be _assaulted _the moment she entered the clearing. No. Kami-sama had to punish her by throwing her to the malevolent clutches of _Rock Lee_...

She couldn't move her arms. They were numb. She felt horrified to realize that she could hardly release herself, but by now she knew the futility of trying to forcibly _rip _the boy off her. The last time it happened it wasn't...pretty.

Why did this...unsightly creature insist on clamping onto her whenever they met?

And why was he so strong?!

"L-Lee…you're being embarrassing again. Get off Neji-san!"

Neji looked up into the sky with an utterly doleful expression of suffering.

"Nonsense! I could **never** be an embarrassment to my eternal rival!! Never!"

"Tenten," she said bleakly. She had no illusions to the sudden terrifying loss of her dignity, pride, and composure when this would reach the ears—_eyes—_of her guardian. This would be the third time that week; her uncle would flip. "When you've met up with Gai-sensei, tell him that Lee's latched onto me again."

"He'll just laugh and say, '_That's the spirit of Youth_!'," Tenten protested. "He'll come only to encourage Lee!"

"Tenten…" Neji's voice had come out a little strangled. "Lee is _not letting go_. Go and get Gai. Please."

The girl looked unsure, but started to edge away in earnest. "I will come back for you! I will, Neji-san!"

To Neji, those words were damning in their finality.

* * *

I like Team Gai. I like Team Gai a lot. Isumo 1489 does an excellent job portraying them in her extremely popular fic, "Forlorn." I was extremely tempted to make this the first chapter and keep up an air of frustrating suspense as inconsistenciesand mysteries and confusing issues keep popping up throughout the story, but I decided against it. The prologue was supposed to be chapter 23, but there you go.

As you can see, though, I wasn't exaggerating when I said I wrote the prologue completely different from the actual story. So if you're brave enough to taste more, read on...

* * *


	3. Frames

I'm not Japanese. Hell, I may be Asian, but I'm not Japanese. That said, I will be using the concept of **honorifics** constantly throughout the fic, which is important because it's a subtle way to show relationships and their progress in this fic. I don't apologize for bad usage of all things Japanese. There, my disclaimer.

* * *

"No, I will not spar with you."

"But…but Neji—!"

"I said _no_."

"No! I am determined to spar with my genius rival!!"

Neji whipped around, snarling. "What part of _no_ do you not understand, Lee-san? I cannot go today, which would make sparring you a moot point. There is no point. I will not be there. Kindly do me the favor of throwing yourself off a cliff so that you may spare me the pain of dealing with you."

"If Neji says so…then it must be true!"

She tensed, not liking his tone. "Will you leave me alone now?"

"YOSH! Neji is commanding me to throw myself off a cliff—what excellent training! Neji…! You truly **are **my eternal rival in all matters of Youth!"

"Just…just get away from me."

"Hai!"

She watched him leave, a peculiar expression on her face. "That…was easy enough." Turning, she sobered as she headed home. The day was hot, magnificently so, but she barely noticed, even as her uniform clung to her like a sticky second skin.

It was with irritation that she smashed a pervert in his face.

All in a day's work.

When she reached her room, she regarded the door with heavy lidded eyes and swiftly entered. The room was bare, clean, and not at all lived in. The only items of personal importance was held in two frames on the window sill.

They were her only real possessions.

Despite herself, she smiled. One frame held the absolutely ridiculous photo of their team. Gai-sensei was particularly exuberant that day…they were his first genin team. Lee…was gawking disgustingly at their teacher, with a look of such awe and happiness that even Neji couldn't begrudge him of that joy. And Tenten…was staring at _her_.

And no one was looking at the camera, she remembered. Well…except Gai-sensei, but his blinding, white teeth were something less to be desired. That poor photographer.

The other frame, though…it was the other frame that made her smile falter.

_Father_.

It was the most pitiful substitute for her father…but it would do for what she had in mind.

There was no grave to speak of. No monument, no structure…to give name to her most honored father.

It was taboo to speak of him.

With an almost violent motion, she snatched the frame from its sill and held it close in achingly gentle contrast. Her fingers were clenched white around it and she was shaking. She suddenly stilled. A moment of stunned silence later and she quietly set it back down with a murmur of apology.

"I'm sorry…Father. Forgive your daughter of any display of foolish weakness." She hesitated at her last words; she knew Hizashi wouldn't _truly_ be angry at her for something of that degree. Shaking her head, she strove on. "I am living, Father. Just like you commanded of me that day, I am continuing to strive for a life worthy of our name. It is…"

She noticed she was fidgeting and forcibly became still.

"It is…" she said slowly, "it is enough. Yes. It is enough. Of course…o-of…course it is. What more may I ask for one of my position…what more do I deserve?"

It was a long time before she spoke again.

"I miss you—Father." She bowed her head, whispering, "I miss…you."

* * *

You know how canon Neji found out about the "truth" of Hizashi after Naruto defeated him in the Chunnin Exams? Yeah...something like that will happen here, too, but not for a long while. Soon enough, though, we'll see how Hyuuga Hiashi treats his niece...kukuku. 


	4. Interlude: Storytime

First interlude. It's weird and introspective and as a unique format that won't ever be used again, just like how the prologue is completely different from the rest. This is filler for the last chapter and shows a bit of Neji as a child.

* * *

"Child, be gentle as your honorable mother was." 

_She saw his tears for the first time. He laughed easily enough. He had many friends outside the compound. Never had she seen his tears before. The sky was cloudy with threatening rain. And, oh, how the coffin gleamed_…

"…when one is spoken to, speak with grace and decorum, child. However, most of all, conceal that hidden laughter…"

_She was being admonished again. Her father was admonishing her again. She did not mean to giggle at what her uncle had said, it had simply come out. Who in the world would think she was a boy anyway? She_…_could never be a boy anyway_…

"And let it be known that you are my beloved daughter!"

_She did not understand their jibes, their feelings…but she understood their expressions. Their gestures. They were laughing at her father, her most beloved papa. They should not dare such a thing. If only…_

"Don't hide it, little one…allow your fool of a father to care for you, one who has not been allowed to be your father these past weeks…"

_She remembered the pain of being forgotten. Ignored. She never wanted to sink into the background like one of those silly servants. Nor did she want to be a statue, forever glaring down her nose at all who would not tell her what was wrong with her father. She just wante__d_…

"…and she is your cousin, child, my elder brother's daughter."

_She knew of confusion and wants. She knew to be silent when in a room with elders, and she knew that being her father's child meant something important…She knew a lot of things, but she never learned to get along. Not with another girl or another boy. Not with anyone. She only ever needed her papa…why would she want to meet a young girl? Never mind that she was quite young herself_…

"A mission? Yes…it is another mission."

_She wanted to protest, but she did not. How could she do such a burdensome thing? Her papa could not help it if he were so skilled a shinobi_…

"…another one. I am sorry."

_She wanted to scream, but she did not. Instead, she looked at him with a look of a child who had just been denied her greatest desire. Betrayed. Hurt. But what were these things in the face of her poor papa's face? He looked so tired these days_…

"Forgive me, child. _Forgive me_…"

_She wanted to cry, but she did not. She did not know how to describe the emotions that went through her just then. Glee. Happiness? Elation. What did she feel but such completion, the likes that of which a cold relative had never seen before? Her papa was a warm papa, she realized. The other children should be jealous that she had such a fine papa. However_…_he looked upon her with such anguish, it almost_…_made her afraid. But surely not, surely not_…

"Child."

"Papa?"

"_Child_."

"Sorry, Papa."

"_I am_ sorry, child. Not _sorry_."

"Yes._ I am_ sorry." She tugged his sleeve again, giggling at his groan. "But I like your clothes, Papa. Very much. When will you be allowed to leave? Hiashi-sama will not look at me. He will not play. Hinata is always around her mother. I do not like gardening, but I like her cooking. It was…"

She did not notice how his body suddenly stilled, being too preoccupied with playing with his voluminous robes.

"I will not be returning home."

She looked up quickly. "The fall time festival is soon. I want new clothes. May I have yours?"

Hizashi set a hand down heavily on his daughter's head, rewarded with a happy smile when he rubbed it. "I am sorry, but this is not for you."

"I know. Hiashi-sama gave them to you."

Her hair, playfully mussed, hung in her eyes. Batting them away, she did not see his eyes briefly narrow. When she looked back up at him, she saw nothing amiss but the strange expression on his face.

"Papa, you look different."

"How, child?"

She smiled, and said, "You look funny, Papa. Your face...you look like you're off to do great battle. You're even wearing Uncle's clothing…is it armor? It must be!"

"Yes." He wore a wry look, but it came out as more of a grimace; she couldn't understand how very cynical he looked just then. "I am a great shinobi. It is only fitting that I am to participate in a great battle."

"But not a mission," she said, nodding.

"You," her father declared, "will become a great shinobi someday."

"I got it right then." She sounded oddly pleased. "It is not a mission."

"Child, this is one fate I cannot avoid."

She did not look too concerned. "It seems very important. It is not a mission, but did Sandaime-sama give it to you?"

"No," he whispered. "He did not."

"Then who did?" she whispered right back.

"A man…" he sighed, "whom I would do anything for."

"That does not sound like a great battle. Why would anyone let themselves be killed?"

His gaze sharpened. "Why do you say that?"

"Well," she mused, "is it not something out of a story? One riding off to battle and fooling the enemy into thinking he is who they think he is. When it is the time to strike, the true hero reveals himself and, together, the hero and his friend triumphs. Well, it wasn't written like that, but it was terrible. And difficult. I am improving. I am!"

"And where did you hear this…story."

"It's dull. And boring. This was the only story I understood from the scroll." She tugged his robes again, unheeding to his stare. "Can you at least stop at home? No one talks to me anymore…"

* * *

I wrote this by playing off of Neji's Chunnin Exams flashbacks. The beginning also revealed that Hizashi was often sent away on missions, which was one way the clan interfered with his relationship with Neji. There is a reason that Hiashi didn't want his brother to be around Neji, but it is a minor detail at this point of the fic. It will later become significant because it'll be the basis for Hiashi's attitude/treatment towards Neji. But at this point, that "reason" is still being hashed out in a development process; it may change and this author note may be rendered useless. 

Otherwise, Neji did inadvertently find out about Hizashi's death before it actually occurred. She doesn't understand the implications; she's still a child. She will either remember this or not, but it won't have a great effect on her character. Neji's canon flashbacks will be manipulated slightly in this fic in order to achieve certain results in my female Neji's character.


	5. Lost

Neji never thought herself to be a role model of any sort. Her life was her own, and she did not live it for the sake of admiration. The prestige that she continued to obtain was good, worthy of her clan. She brought glory _to_ the clan, but somehow…it wasn't enough.

She didn't care about glory, much less about being a useful vassal to the clan. There was that flash of indignation—that old, lingering bitterness—but she never allowed herself to dwell on such blasphemous thoughts for long. Hyuuga eyes followed her wherever she went. She felt transparent on most days.

She was never alone. Neji found it a fact of life, just as much as the sky was blue to how Anbu killed quite skillfully. It was something, she found, she had to accept quickly or she would never be able to live with ease in the Hyuuga household. Or at least, appear to be at ease.

If there was one thing she considered a skill, it was that, the ability to live among the Hyuuga as if she were one of hem.

But wasn't she? Wasn't that her right in the first place?

She never thought that she could lead the next generation of _anything_ into _anything_. Hyuuga clan members were expected to lead their comrades into victory, to lead confidently…the be the next best of the best. What she found alarming about the situation was not her family's fervor, but in which the ease she took up _their_ mantle.

It was, she realized, frightening.

Her fate was…self-fulfilling, then? Had her family's machinations manipulated her to such a degree that she had no identity but of the clan's…?

Therefore, when Neji realized that she was an object of _admiration,_ she was much uncomfortable. And much displeased. To think that she was glorified and prettied up in someone's mind as a person to actually _look up_ to…it was utterly ridiculous. To admire a Hyuuga was to admire the _clan_…and there was never a reason to place them up onto a pedestal—_they were already there_.

Tenten never _said_ as much in as many words…but it was discomforting to realize that the girl looked at her as a strange mix of a rival and a role model on par with Tsunade-sama of the Sannin.

_But that wasn't Neji_. That wasn't her at all. She was no role model, no…no person to place such importance on. And shouldn't Tenten have known that by now? If her academy dealings with the girl taught her anything, it was that Tenten was a quite sensible and a decent enough conversationalist. It threw Neji to have been made aware of the high regard her teammate had for her.

Her reputation was growing rapidly, clawing its way to something to be immortalized among the genin class…and it was flattering, no doubt, but not because of the attention. Neji carved herself a goal and was working to meet it day after day. She did _nothing _for the gratification of anyone. But on some days, Neji had to convince herself that that was her right. That was what she lived for.

On those days, Neji found it difficult to look at herself in the mirror.

* * *

The first glimpse of Neji's attitude towards her clan and many more to come. Not even the attitude shown here is permanent: like Neji, her outlook on the Hyuuga clan will shape and change as the fic progresses in correlation to her character development. Here, I portrayed her as confused because she's young, she's newly genin, and she had only left the academy which in itself had changed her in drastic ways. This chapter served to introduce Tenten and to show a little of Neji's real personality, which is completely different from canon. 


	6. Ready

Em...the chapter that actually starts the plot now that the premise is down.

* * *

Despite her recent revelations about the other female of the team, Neji still found it incredibly easy to talk to Tenten. Well…not so much as talk as spar. 

And even then, sparring was kept at a minimum. Now that she knew what about Tenten's near hero_ine_ worship of her, her looks of awe were not at all subtle. It was disconcerting to know that even if she beat the other girl into the ground, Tenten would bounce right back up with that brilliant smile.

So why was it that no one else saw it?

"Well, of course Neji-neesan is admired by that silly girl."

Imperceptibly, the hand that clasped Neji's tea tightened.

Hanabi continued, oblivious to her growing anger. "You're the _only_ kunoichi I like. All of my female classmates are ridiculous and awful. Really, I think I'm the only one worthy of being a shinobi."

"What about the Hyuuga women?"

"What of them? Only the _strong_ Hyuuga may enter the academy and join the kunoichi ranks." Hanabi looked disdainful. "All of the women around here are mostly housewives, and my maids never know what I'm talking about when I'm studying theory. I've already begun the third part of my training, Neji-neesan! I've completed the second easily, but Father says I'm not good enough yet."

"Hiashi-sama said that?"

"Yes. Father said perhaps you could help me…?"

If Hiashi didn't outright order it, then it was not necessary. "Perhaps."

Hanabi huffed, leaning forward to tap the low table. "You would train with this…Tenten over your own cousin?"

Training_ with_? While it was true that Hanabi was growing rapidly in skill despite her age, she was nowhere near Neji's level. To automatically equate herself with her branch house cousin and imply that Tenten, a clanless girl, was not worth training…

Neji did not play favorites, and she was not at all pleased to be amateurishly given an ultimatum. "Hanabi-sama, forgive me if I may sound prudent, but Tenten, Rock Lee, and I were all placed on Team Gai for a reason. They are teammates of mine and it is my obligation to train with them."

"What about your obligations to your clan?"

"You do not need me to succeed, Hanabi-sama. You will progress whether or not I am available to teach you."

"That's true." The girl sounded proud. "Father said as much, but I thought you would have the time to help me anyway. Father didn't think so. He said that you had to focus on preparing for the ordeal ahead and that I would be an unnecessary burden. But he said that you were ready."

"Ready? What for?"

Hanabi looked at her strangely. "Ready for the Chunnin Exams, of course."


	7. Execution

First glimpse of Hinata.

* * *

"N-Ne…Neji-nee…san." 

Neji regarded her visitor silently, white sheets shifting as she moved to sit up.

"Ah—! N-No, Neji! You d-don't ha—have to do th-that."

"You are the heiress," Neji intoned, "Hinata-sama."

Her cousin fidgeted, clearly uneasy. It made Neji wonder why in the world she would come here then. The Hyuuga very rarely were ever admitted to the hospital, the compounds having their own infirmary for private clan use. Or, in most cases, they treated their own wounds behind walls that no eyes could penetrate but other clansmen. Taking all this into account, it was odd to see that Neji was present at Konoha General Hospital, but for her injuries she preferred Konoha's service over Hyuuga's own.

"…Why are you here?" she said finally. If Hinata-sama would not speak, then Neji would have to do it for her. She needed rest, after all, but one did not ignore the heiress when she deigned to visit you personally in any sort of place.

"Ano…ano sa…"

Neji grew impatient. Her training had not gone well, the male nurses argued her into staying for the night, and she was exhausted dealing with another Lee episode when her team found out the extent of her injuries. His small slip of a cousin was not helping matters along.

"Speak, Hinata-sama."

"I…I…t-that is, Ne-Neji-neesan, I…"

Brief irritation crossed Neji's face at the same time Hinata exclaimed, "I k-kn-know what y-you're doing wrong!"

Neji stared at her. "What are you…"

"Clan techniques," she gasped. "M-main house techniques! I—y-you're tr-training in them!"

Neji's face seemed to have froze. "Get out."

"Ne…Neji-nesan?"

"I said…" she hissed, "_get out._"

Sudden understanding dawned in her expression. "N-no! T-That's not what I me-meant. Neji-nees-san—!"

"Get out!" Blindly grasping for anything around her, Neji threw a cup at Hinata, scrambling to stand when it did nothing but shatter harmlessly behind her cousin.

"I'm—_I'm sorry_!" Hinata yelped, fleeing for the open door. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry—!"

"_Get out_!"

Breathing heavily, Neji suddenly collapsed against the wall when she realized what just did _to the heiress_. Horrified, she looked wildly up at the swinging door and scrambled for it. "W-wait, Hinata-sama—!"

It swung shut, and that slam stopped her violently.

She was going to tell. They were going to find out. Her team—her team wouldn't be able to protect her! If Hiashi learned—if Hinata _told—_

"Execution," Neji breathed. "They're going to activate my seal…!"

With a keening cry, she ripped the I.V. tube from her arm and stumbled for the window. Panic making her movements jerky, she knew she had to leave—she had to get out, before…

But where could she go, what could she do—? _Was the heiress hurt_?_ Was she going to tell_?

"Hinata, H-Hinata, don't tell," she gasped. Grasping for the latch, the window slid open effortlessly. All she had to do was leave—climb out, walk down the wall, _run—_before…before what?

Her breaths were coming out in harsh puffs in the night air. Crouching on the window sill, preparing to blindly escape the hospital—what was she _thinking_? She couldn't even access her chakra yet! That damned perfect defense…they said that she tore up her chakra gates.

Neji looked at Konoha's skyline bleakly and laughed. Laughed so hard that it was utterly inane to climb back inside and lay on top of the bed like the obedient, passive lamb she was.

_I'm going to die_. The thought was bland in contrast to her choked, hysterical laughter._ I'm going to die_.

* * *

Neji may be overreacting or she may not be. When Hinata said to her that she knew what Neji was doing wrong, Neji thought she was being blackmailed, but what Hinata really meant was that she'd seen Neji train and knows how to help her. 


	8. Fate

"Let us train together, Neji!"

Slowly, Neji's eyes flickered over to Lee before they returned to their fixed spot on the ground. "I did not give you permission to call me by my given name."

Lee faltered, furrowing his thick brows in confusion. "I thought…we were past this, Neji?" He brightened. "But if it pleases you, then shall I call you with an honorific instead! Yes! That's just the thing to do! Let me call you _Neji-chan_, Neji-chan!"

Her voice was toneless. "Do what you will."

Lee wilted.

Neji wasn't even moved. She gazed unceasingly away.

Lee wilted even more. "My…eternal rival. This…this is not at all like you! What has happened to subdue my greatest rival, Neji-chan!" He gasped. "Could it be…that you are in absolute awe of Gai-sensei's new training regime! Yosh! I knew it to be true! Is the new exercises too much for even a genius such as yourself? No! It cannot be—you are my eternal rival! This cannot be true! I must tell Gai-sensei immediately!"

She waited until he was gone. Neji's head jerked in her other teammate's direction. "Why did you not stop his endless prattle?"

Tenten looked at her uncertainly. "Neji," she hesitated, "did something—happen?"

Neji, usually so immaculate, was in a state of disarray. Her coffee tresses were abound, her clothes disheveled although they had not trained today, and her expression so tightly closed off even Gai had done a double take at his student that morning.

"Do you believe in fate?" Neji asked suddenly.

Tentatively, Tenten ventured, "Like as in divination?"

"Predestination. Inevitability. Hitsuzen. Are there such things as these? Or does Kami-sama deign us lowly beings a destiny to claim for own? He granted us free will, hadn't he?"

"Ne…Neji-san…?"

"Wealth is either claimed or hereditary, but it is in the inheritor's right to do with it as he wills, correct? So he may frit it away as he pleases on gambling and drink and no one is hurt but him. Unless he uses it wisely to either shrewdly expound on his wealth for his heir or give it away to a poor man where it would end up as a charitable but wasteful cause."

Tenten stared at her.

"My point, Tenten…" she said, "is that no matter what choices we are given, no matter what we do with them, we are all controlled by hitsuzen. No matter how hard we may try to fight against fate, we will not win. It is already written in the stars. It is already set in stone. It is immovable and unchanging, as absolute and harsh, as Kami-sama himself, but this is the fate for us playthings, us humans…am I right?"

"I don't believe in that at all," Tenten said slowly. "We make our own futures. If we are defenseless, then we learn to defend ourselves. If we are poor, then we try and obtain wealth. It's an ongoing struggle to become as comfortable as possible. We change when we need to change. We change when we _desire_to change, Neji, not when Kami-sama wishes it. That's the truth."

"And becoming a strong kunoichi, fighting against the prejudices of that job with no protection whatsoever from a shinobi background…is this your desire, Tenten?"

"Yes," the girl said through gritted teeth.

Neji stared at her with for several inscrutable seconds. "Then you will fail."

"Aren't you a kunoichi, too, Neji?" Tenten snapped. "You're being hailed as the greatest prodigy of our generation and no one cares that you're female!"

"It is because…before I am a kunoichi, I am a Hyuuga. This was the fate I was born into. And you," she murmured, "were born into a blacksmith family for a reason."

Neji's head suddenly snapped to the side, her teammate's slap ringing loudly in the empty clearing. "I don't know what's going on with you," Tenten said in a harsh whisper, "but you've no right to judge me. I've spent years thinking you were above petty prejudices…someone to be admired…a friend, even! How can you say something like that? What's happened to you?"

Neji's lips twisted into something bitter. "Not even genii can escape fate," she responded.

Tenten gave a low snort of disgust. "Fine. If you're not going to tell me what happened to you, then do something about that attitude of yours. Fate, hitsuzen…you never cared about them before! I don't even know what's going on with you anymore…and you keep _disappearing_. You keep missing training! That's not how a teammate is supposed to act, Hyuuga!"

"Act…? I've obligations these days, duties to carry out, and you lecture me on my attitude? What do you know of me, Tenten? What do _any_ of you know about me? What do the people of Konoha see past my prodigy facade? What do any of you people _know_ anyway?"

"Then tell me!"

"I will not." Neji smiled faintly. "After all…'I don't even know what's going on with you anymore'…am I right?"

Tenten glared at her, then pivoted away without a word.

Neji's smile dropped immediately, expression turning stoic, cold. Impassive.

Hiashi would be proud; his worthless niece was finally shaping up to be the Hyuuga she was always destined to be.

…_Father_.


	9. To Survive

This takes place after Hinata showed up.

* * *

Neji was not punished the day she returned from the hospital. The true nature of her injuries had not been disclosed; it was implied by the medic-nin that one Hyuuga Neji was admitted immediately into Konoha's General Hospital after a botched unsupervised training session that led to unfortunate circumstances concerning her health, ergo she was hurt.

The medic-nin did not lie; they barely knew any more more of the truth regarding Neji's failure than her own guardian. Neji was unsurprisingly tight lipped when she allowed herself to be looked at by the medics.

They were biting their lips when the Hyuuga genin refused to give up answers. Under law, clan training was allowed to be kept quiet, and Hyuuga Neji being a Hyuuga was not at all obligated to share the entire story if she did not wish to. Never mind the fact that the girl could have been lying as to whether her training did pertain to her clan's techniques or was a simple team warm up. Under law, she wasn't to be interrogated.

Also, it was a rare day in hell that a Hyuuga even showed up at the public hospital. The medic-nin did not want to risk the chance of having an agreed examination of a Hyuuga anytime soon.

Neji was not thinking any of this when she came back, though. She was more preoccupied with morbid thoughts of her own death than of any petty matters involving medic-nin and their curiosity.

She immediately went to Hiashi and told him of her attempts at the clan's most secret techniques. She told him of her clever duplicity of stealing higher branch secrets and of her botched attempts at mastering the perfect defense.

Hiashi smiled, expressed his approval and pride, and then activated her curse seal. He then left, leaving her to claw and thrash wildly at the tatami mats beneath her for several excruciating seconds before the ordeal was over. Panting, gasping, choking—if the pain of the curse seal was great, then the after shock tremors that wracked her body were even greater.

For almost her entire life, she held the curse seal in a sort of disgusted revered awe. She saw her father fall under its spell. She saw countless other brethren die from its activation. And yet she survived, managed to still exist after being exposed to its horror far longer than she ever saw anyone else subjected to it. And even more astonishing, that she would be legally subjected to her execution for crimes against the Hyuuga's higher branch and yet…live.

It was a most curious thing—that she should live whereas everyone else would have died. And then Neji realized that she was _useful_. And in the end, that was why Hiashi deigned her to live when everyone else had died—because she admitted to being _useful_ despite her treacherous, deceitful, lower branch self. She turned out to be _useful_ after all, so she was allowed to live in payment for that _usefulness_. As long as it would last, she would _live_. As long as she served to glorify the clan…

It was then she developed her revelation about fate.

Hinata-sama came in much later, horrified to find Neji in the state she was still in, but she didn't care. She laid there, body frustratingly sluggish and lethargic, but her mind working in leaps and bounds in a rapid pace of thought.

This was what it meant to be Hyuuga. The strong lived while the weak died. To be strong was to serve the clan, to support the clan, to strengthen the clan. To be strong meant…to survive.

Neji would survive.

"I di-did not tell F-Father," Hinata whispered, stricken. "I…I w-would never—!"

"And that is why, Hinata-sama," Neji whispered back, "you are weak."

* * *

And that's how this Neji developed that screwed up mentality. Fun! 


	10. Kaiten

Finally, Hanabi's mentioning of the Chunnin Exams comes up, beginning from ch4.

* * *

Neji's expression darkened. "You will not enter us in the exams?"

Gai-sensei gave a booming laugh, seemingly oblivious to the murderous look in his prodigy's eyes. "Of course not, Neji! You are not capable of becoming Chunnins right now—no, not even this year! We shall wait, the four of us," he said decisively, wisely, "until we are fully prepared!"

She twitched. "You mean…you would not even enter us in the second exams taking place this year? You would not even consider it? It is taking place in seven months!"

"Ohoho…does this mean that you would prefer to take it then than now?"

"No!" she barked. "Let us compete, Gai-sensei, we are more than ready."

Their spandex clad teacher looked from Neji's cold countenance, to Lee's determined pose, to Tenten's exasperated look. "Hm…_hmm_…! I've decided!"

"Gai-sensei…?" Lee said in a sort of hushed, awe-stricken whisper. "Will you…enter us now, Gai-sensei? Right this minute?!"

Neji blinked, closing weary eyes. Surely she had not just heard—?

Tenten gagged.

Meanwhile, Gai-sensei and Lee were wrapped up in their own little world. Figuratively. Or was it literally…?

"—Lee!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"Lee!!"

"Gai-sensei!!"

"LEE—!"

"GAI-SEN—"

Tenten smacked him, cutting off his words. "Oh, would you stop?" she said, irate.

Gai-sensei immediately turned on her, answering for his most beloved pupil. "Ah, Tenten! The flower of our team! The oasis of our little group! The bud among buds!! What do you say to joining our most Youthful circle of cries!!"

"Yes, Tenten-san! We would love to have you!"

Tenten gaped at them, mortification written all over her face.

"W-why don't you offer Neji the same thing?" she demanded loudly, stepping hastily away. "She's a girl, too!"

Almost simultaneously, the both of them turned towards said girl.

Neji snapped open her eyes and shot Tenten a fierce glare.

Lee shrank back, but Gai-sensei stood firm, grin ferocious. Infectious, too, because soon Lee drew strength from his most beloved teacher's confidence and took a step towards his volatile teammate, triumphant determination gleaming in his very eyes.

Neji scowled, but Lee didn't even wilt this time.

He lunged for her.

She didn't even blink as she pronounced clearly, "_Hakkeshou Kaiten_," and spun!

Gai-sensei's eyes widened in shock. "Lee, no!"

Too late. Lee headed for the chakra shield too fast to stop himself, letting out a yelp when he was suddenly pushed out of harm's way.

He was thrown into the ground, but he immediately scrambled to his feet, yelling, "Gai-sensei—!" He was horrified when his teacher crashed into Neji's chakra!

To everyone's amazement, the moment Gai-sensei hit the shield, it dissipated the moment he broke through with a violent back thrust of his forearm. Tenten watched in stunned silence.

From Lee's angle, Gai-sensei looked absolutely wonderful and so powerful! But he could not see his teacher's face, only Neji's reaction.

And his friend Neji was shaking and pale, and when the Hyuuga brought her face up to look up at their teacher, she flinched.

Tenten could do nothing but stare. Like Lee, she could not see Gai-sensei's expression, but she could certainly hear his voice.

"Neji…we must talk."

She exchanged bewildered glances with Lee. _That was not their sensei's voice_.

Only Neji's harsh pants broke the sudden stillness in the air.

Tenten bit her lip; whatever differences she and Neji were having didn't mean that she didn't care about the other girl. And Neji…she looked so frightened. "Gai-sensei, I—"

"You two go home now." Gai-sensei had not even looked at them to speak, his eyes never straying from the Hyuuga's trembling form. "I will take Neji back home. We'll meet again tomorrow, same time."

Lee shifted, clearly conflicted.

"Lee-kun," Gai-sensei said, voice gentle but still foreign, "go home. You too, Tenten."

Tenten gave a terse nod, grabbing Lee's arm when she saw he wasn't leaving, but stopped at Neji's quiet words.

"I don't even know what's going on with me either…Tenten."

Her hand was clenched tight when she finally left the clearing.


	11. Monument

Neji's first heart-to-heart doesn't go so well.

* * *

"Neji…" Gai-sensei's voice was unbearably close. Heavy hands came down upon her shoulders and she continued to avoid looking into his eyes. She was frightened by what she saw. "Neji…look at me."

"No."

"Why will you not look at me in the eye?" Gai-sensei waited patiently for her to do so, knowing not to push. "Am I so terrible, Neji, that you would not even look at your sensei?"

Almost as soon as he said it, she met his gaze. In his orbs, she saw what frightened her the most.

"What do you see?" he murmured.

She looked terrified, but resigned. "I see…not myself, but a Hyuuga."

"Close, Neji. You're so close! Look deeper…now, tell me, _what do you see_?"

She didn't answer, but her body was tensing, like an animal about to spring.

He shook her. "What do you see, Neji? Tell me now!"

"I see my father," she blurted out. She glanced away, looking shamefaced. "I see my father in you," she corrected quietly.

Kneeling down in front of her, he marveled that he was still taller than her._He forgot that he genin were little more than children_. His hands stayed on her shoulders, though, a firm comfort. She tried shrugging him off half-heartedly.

She still wouldn't look at him and there was something defeated about her posture.

"Why couldn't you have left it alone, Gai-sensei? I don't want to feel like this. Why would you do such a thing?" She unknowingly parroted Tenten's words.

"Neji," he said, tone impossibly warm, "you are my student, my child in all sense but blood. When I agreed to be your jounin instructor, I knew that our team would face difficulties in the future. Common troubles that plague young genin, but personal ones that I knew would inflict you in particular."

She grimaced. "That was very presumptuous of you."

"Yes," he agreed. "It was. So eager was I at having my first team, so bright and full of potential…Tenten is a sweet girl and her drive will get her very far. And Lee," he couldn't quite hide his pride, "overcame all odds and far surpassed all my expectations, and he continues to do so! Hard work in place of a bloodline…that is Rock Lee. Your brother…my son."

Neji was stone faced. "But today I attacked my 'brother.'"

"I am not going to punish you." His voice turned hard, "But in the future, you must consult about experimentation with me _first_ before you proceed. Why am I not punishing you?"

"I didn't realize," she whispered, "and it was so powerful! But he came so suddenly, and my training—I…I reacted. Completely overreacted…and I was just so annoyed. I wanted to see! But Lee…he could have been hurt."

"He could have," Gai-sensei said, nodding.

Her eyes flicked up to meet his. "You were hurt." She slumped forward, leaning into his hands. "And when you came, I didn't know…how to stop…Kaiten…it wouldn't stop." Her eyes grew impossibly wide and panicked. "It wouldn't stop, Gai-sensei. I couldn't control it!"

"And that, Neji," he murmured, "is why I will not punish you. You were acting in ignorance, but all is well. No one was hurt."

She stared dubiously at his chaffed arm.

"No one was hurt," he repeated firmly.

"No one was hurt," she said. "No one was…hurt?"

There was such sweet relief on her face that Gai-sensei chuckled.

"I'm sorry that I lost control."

"Yes, but it was not your fault." Some of his old vigor returned. "To the Springtime of Youth!! Yosh! All is forgiven!"

He was rewarded with a small smile. Gai-sensei grinned, knowing that he was the cause of it.

Her smile faltered. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about Kaiten."

"The hospital," he said knowingly.

Neji shrugged. "I learned by observation and scroll, and then Hiashi-sama began teaching me. He is…a hard taskmaster, but I swear I mastered Kaiten by the time I left the compounds." Her face was open and earnest. "I truly mastered it. I even performed it for him! So why did I—?"

"Neji…" Gai-sensei stood up. "Come with me and I will show you why."

Unsure of where he was taking her, but craving answers, she followed.

"The Monument…?"

"You know of it, Neji?" Gai-sensei didn't sound surprised. In fact, he sounded approving, but sad.

She briefly brushed a pale hand against the opaque surface. "…My father should have been on here." Her head dropped. "He died in service. He was killed in action, too. But he's not on here…"

Gai-sensei laid a comforting hand on her head. "It was considered Hyuuga business. I am sorry that they did not give your father what was his due."

"I know," she said. "They don't even say his name anymore."

"What do you feel when you look at these names, Neji?" he said suddenly.

"I did not know any of these people, but I do realize that this surface is not large enough to hold all the names it should have." Her hand fisted. "I know that many more honorable men died in anonymity just like my father. I know that few kunoichi ever have their names carved here because they died while using the seduction arts. I know that almost none of these bodies were recovered and that they have no graves to speak of."

She was shaking now and Gai-sensei made no move to speak or comfort her. Instead, he looked down at her with such sorrowful pride.

"I don't know what I feel, Gai-sensei, but when I look at this rock, I realize that I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to have to be the one to come back to the village and report that another comrade died. I don't want to be the one that grieves and never moves on. I don't want to be that person."

"And what of Lee? Tenten?"

Neji blanched. "When I think of their names affiliated with K.I.A., I feel so cold." She blindly turned towards him, crying, "I don't want their names on here, Gai-sensei! They can't—not _them_. Not…not them."

"And that," he said quietly, "is the reason you lost control."

She stared at him, suddenly remembering the reason they came here in the first. She was so caught up in the horror of this place, the injustice—

"You manipulated me," she said. "But I'm glad."

Gai-sensei's smile was grim. "I am sorry, but this was the only way."

"I understand." They fell silent, simply gazing at the stone. She blinked, turning towards him. "Tenten wants to be the strongest kunoichi from Konoha. Her role model is Tsunade, has been ever since she was a little girl and eavesdropped on a shinobi conversation at her father's blacksmith."

He nodded; he knew all of this.

"When we were all placed onto a team, I became her new role model."

Gai-sensei raised a brow in interest. "Oh?"

"I'm afraid I've disappointed her." Neji's features tightened. "I'm not the heroine she was waiting for, that tangible kunoichi to look up to while she served Konoha. Tsunade has long gone, but Tenten should not have to be so desperate for a precedent to her success. She is too ingrained with the concept of female inferiority that when she became a kunoichi, her self-esteem was severely low."

"I will keep that in mind, Neji." He sounded approving of her analysis. "It is because of her civilian status before she joined the academy. It is most unfortunate."

She nodded tersely. "Please do. I cannot…help her as I would like." Neji looked away then, a little awkwardly. "I noticed that she seemed to favor…shuriken. It was not the standard academy chosen weapon, as it's difficult for novices. Could you…please…?"

Gai-sensei smiled broadly. "I was going to speak to her father about this. He caters to shinobi customers often and taught his daughter well."

"And he is not of shinobi class?"

"Even civilians can wield metal weapons, Neji," he chided.

"Can she use anything else though?" She frowned. "I've only seen her use standard issued weapons, but nothing else. And she does not like jutsu."

"No," Gai-sensei sighed. "She doesn't. As a first generation kunoichi, her coils do not have the hereditary advantage that clan members would. On top of struggling to develop coils that have never been developed before, she has an unusually small chakra supply, even for a child."

Neji looked stricken. "She is having that much trouble? How could I not have have seen it before?"

"She is first generation. Her coils must be sufficiently developed before they are large enough to match the size of her chakra gates. Only then may a Byakugan user may see her chakra system to full advantage."

"Civilian," she breathed. "She has the system…of a civilian."

He grimaced. "Now you see why Tenten is determined to succeed and why she is inclined towards weapons."

"I told her she would fail." At his sharp gaze, Neji stared at him, shocked. "I told her that because she was born into a blacksmith family, she was destined to fail."

Gai-sensei closed his eyes slowly.


	12. Privacy

Whenever I do Hanabi here, I try to make her parrot Hiashi a lot. We don't know what her personality is because it's never elaborated upon, but you either have a serious, mini-Neji or a...kid. I chose to portray her as a kid because she's still really young.

* * *

"Father is displeased," Hanabi declared, flopping onto her bed. 

Her cousin looked at her oddly.

"I mean," the young girl elaborated, "Father is displeased because you weren't considered for the Chunnin Exams. It was all he could talk about!"

Neji shrugged, not understanding it either. "Gai-sensei is…frustrating. He said that he wouldn't enter us for the second one either."

"What! But that's far from now! How does he know that you won't be ready for the next one? You wouldn't be a rookie by then."

She opened her mouth to agree when _Kaiten_ flashed through her mind. Neji grimaced, and said, instead, "It doesn't matter. By the time a year has passed, we shall be the strongest of all the genin. Hiashi-sama will forget the anger he feels now when he sees our performance. It is fine."

Hanabi quirked her eyebrow "You don't look like it's fine."

"I have learned to deal with it."

"I see…oh!" She quickly sat up. "Since you're not participating, will you train me now? Father said it would be no problem. He said you had no other obligations."

Neji's features looked blank. Was her team not an obligation? Were missions not an obligation? "Very well." It was the will of her uncle, anyway.

"Before then, though, let's talk!"

"About what?"

Hanabi shrugged, falling back onto her bed. "It's so _boring_ here. The academy's even worse! That Konohamaru won't stop talking day in and day out." She looked up into Neji's startled face and grinned. "Oh, yeah, we should all be worshiping the brat? Forget it, Neji-neesan."

"He is Hokage-sama's honorable grandson…"

"Yes, I know. Father won't stop talking about that, too." Hanabi gave a flippant hand gesture. "According to him, the Hyuuga must be on good terms with the elders, leaders, and even _civilians_. As his daughter, it is my duty to _befriend_ that brat."

"I'm not sure I understand, Hanabi-sama."

"Ugh. Don't call me that, Neji-neesan. Not you, too! I get enough of it from everyone else."

Unwittingly, Neji smiled a little. "You've been making contacts, have you?"

"I don't want to have to do it," Hanabi protested. "I'm not even the heiress, and you don't see Hinata doing anything. It's not fair. Father insists that I am on good terms with _Sandaime's honorable grandson_."

"As amusing as it is to hear you complain, why are you so free of speech?"

Hanabi peered at her confusedly before her eyes widened. "Oh, right. You don't know. I forget sometimes…it's stupid that they wouldn't even inform you now that you're a prodigy."

She looked at her younger cousin warily. "What are you talking about?"

"My room's sealed. Against the Byakugen," she clarified.

Neji stared at her. "This room is sealed."

"Yes. All main house members can get their rooms sealed." Hanabi's brows furrowed. "The lack of privacy was awful, Neji-neesan. How can you bear it?"

_Simple_, Neji thought bitterly. "We never thought of sealing our rooms before," she slowly said.

"Oh. Well…don't branch members…use it on each other? Not that you do it!" Hanabi rushed awkwardly. "You're too honorable for that, Neji-neesan. It's just…"

"We don't look into each other rooms, Hanabi-sama." _As branch members, it's the only courtesy we can give to each other._ "We like our privacy a lot."

Hanabi nibbled her lower lip. "If you want, we can get your room sealed?"

Neji shook her head. She could already guess how main house members would react if they found her room warded. There was enough discontent towards her without adding more timbers to the flame. "I don't need it. I have nothing to hide."

"I suppose…"

Poor Hanabi. She didn't understand the implications of having a split clan yet. Neji sighed. "It's fine, Hanabi-sama. For now, let us begin your training."

"You'll train me! Really?"

"But at the same time, will you help me?"

She looked up at Neji with wide eyes. "I can help you, Neji-neesan?"

"You're the only one who can right now," she assured her. "Tell me, what does Hiashi-sama tell you to do when you don't manage the taijutsu stance right...?"

* * *

Part two of Hanabi stuff. If you couldn't tell, Neji's manipulating her just a little bit. Also, she snags free training off of the girl. The sealed room will be important much later and this chapter provides the base for the presence of sealing techniques in this fic. 


	13. Inspiration

Lee's interesting attempt at reassuring Neji.

* * *

Not soon after Neji collapsed, so did Lee. He did so with particular zeal, flopping down next to her and sighing with such relief it was as if the grass was a bed. They took no note of each other, other than the occasional exchange of tired grins. It did not bother her too much to know that she was the first to fall.

And for once, Neji did not mind.

"You're…you're a strange one, Rock Lee," she murmured, turning her head towards him. "I insulted you…I belittled you…yet here we are."

"Yes," Lee agreed. "Sparring with you was most rejuvenating, as usual."

"Perhaps…we shall spar on another day."

"Yes…"

"Thanks, you know," she half-choked, half-whispered. "There was no one else to listen to me. I didn't know what to do."

His answering grin was brilliant. After slight hesitation, she smiled back.

"However," he said, "I don't think it will be that difficult, my rival! Only…I think she is more hurt than angry."

"She didn't look angry today?" Neji struggled to sit up, rasping out, "I don't want her to be."

Lee looked at her worriedly. "You do not look well."

"I sparred you, didn't I?"

"Even before our training, you did not look well." He had looked happy at her offhand compliment, but he wasn't to be deterred. "You must do something about the unpleasantness of your situation. I will help, Neji, in any way I can!"

"There's not much you can do for me, Lee."

"No! There must be…by the power of the Springtime of—"

"Don't finish."

"…Joy?"

Neji twitched. "Springtime of _Joy_? Kami-sami help me, you emulate our sensei too well."

"Thank you!" Lee beamed.

"He…talked to me. Some days ago, he took me to the Memorial Stone." She barked a laugh. "Funny, isn't it? Gai-sensei a-always knows what to do when one of us is getting out of hand…"

"No one was hurt," he said, face kind and earnest. "It was truly a spectacular move you executed! Beautifully, flawlessly…how did Neji learn it!"

"I learned it on my own."

Eyes widening, Lee exclaimed, "You truly are my genius rival…!"

"No, I am not," she said. "I was stupid. _Stupid_. I was testing a previously untried attack on a teammate!"

"Then I am honored."

"I cannot—w-_what_?"

"I am honored…that you trusted me in that I could walk away unscathed." His voice fell to a hush. "I know you would not have meant me harm, Neji. You must stop blaming yourself for it!"

"You don't understand." Neji stumbled to her feet, glaring. "You don't understand at all!"

"Then make me understand, my rival!"

"I...I wish you wouldn't do that." She looked unhappy. "You're so...passionate for my sake, but I never wanted you to be. You and Gai, you two really are the same."

"Not the same." Lee was grim. "Gai-sensei...is so awesome! But he wasn't there."

"No one was," she shot back.

"I was!"

Neji blinked. "You're right," she admitted quietly. "You were there, too, weren't you? You actually did something about it then...I wonder if you'd be quick to do the same again."

He visibly puffed up, crying, "Of course I would, Neji! I'd do anything to help ease your troubled mind."

"I'm not a troubled _anything_. I just needed someone to talk to. That's it!"

"So flustered is my rival," Lee said knowingly, "that she lies for the sake of pride. But fear not, Neji! I will help absolve that pride and let you experience humility at my fist and glorious kicks!"

"Sometimes...I really have no idea what you're going on about."

"Thank you!"

Neji fell back onto the grass, tired. Her voice was flat. "You're impossible. I don't know how you keep going. Why do you keep trying?"

"Neji, Neji...it is my duty to see that you are as free as me! Free to enjoy life and free to take chances when they happen on by! Would it be so hard to grasp your own destiny with your two hands and make something out of it? You can, Neji...you can!"

"Grasp your own destiny...? Right. And I suppose that's what Gai-sensei did for you."

"He did," Lee said, nodding. "I, who cannot use chakra, had been in despair. But when Gai-sensei found worth in me...took me and allowed me to freely express myself...that is the greatest feeling in the world!"

"Lee, it's not that simple."

He deflated.

"That is an idealist's view on the world," Neji said, a little impatiently, "and it's something I can't afford."

"But why, Neji? Why do you put yourself down like this? It's not fair!"

"It's not...a lack of skill or anything. I am not putting myself down—I'm accepting. You wouldn't understand. I'm of the Hyuuga _clan_. And I'm not even a proper shinobi..."

"Bullshit," Lee blurted. "You're a wonderful shinobi. You've fought against your clan and now they no longer have power over you! When are you going to see that, Neji? Didn't you tell me that almost no Hyuuga women learn the _Juuken_? Or the clan techniques? And you know both! They wanted to make you into a kunoichi...but we both know that you can become so much more. You are more!"

"Lee..."

"No! Neji, listen! You're part of our team. _Team Gai_. You need to only ask for our help and it'll be given! When you are with Tenten and I, we don't see a Hyuuga. We see _Neji_, our friend. You are our precious teammate, and we won't stand for the injustice you're putting yourself through. You are _above_ all of that. You are Neji!"

"...When we met, I didn't like any of you."

"I know."

"Yet Gai-sensei won't let me go. Tenten annoyingly insists on making nice, and you...what happened to you?"

He gave a sigh. "I still like you, but not to the point where it is burdensome to you. My feelings will never change. The Academy..." Lee looked wistful, "was when I first saw you. You were an inspiration! But you, you never did like me hanging all over you."

Lee stood up, arms stretched back. He pulled Neji to her feet, smiling widely. "It's different now. It is because of Gai-sensei that I am able to be who I am today, and you are a dear friend. I only wish to help."

"I know," she said quietly. "But there are some things you can't help me with. I appreciated it when you came that day. It was the first time we really talked. I learned we were both orphans and that there was more to you than foolish Rock Lee, but Lee...my clan will always dictate my life. I ask you please understand and not...pressure me."

"You can't do this anymore." He grasped her shoulders, thick brows furrowed. "I just want you to...to be happy. To freely smile and laugh! That is my hope for you."

"Maybe one day I will," Neji murmured. "I wish..."


	14. The Fridge

...Here's one of the relationships that never existed in canon.

* * *

"Sensei…"

Iruka stared at her in shock. "Neji-kun…how long have you been standing here?"

"Waiting for you," Neji said quietly. She added quickly, "And I told you before to not call me that. It's unsightly."

His lips quirked into a brief smile as he hurriedly ushered her through the door. "It's why I do it in the first place, Neji-kun," he admitted.

"You cannot fluster me, Sensei," she sighed. "Please stop trying. I am not your Uzumaki Naruto, who seems to delight in teasing."

Iruka blushed, and shoved down an empty ramen cup into the trash. "He is not _mine_…"

"He practically is, Sensei. How many times have you entertained him now? Oh, but I forget myself…most of the entertaining is done at that ghastly ramen stand."

His blush deepened, much to her hidden delight. "It's not that bad, Neji-kun…"

"No," she agreed, "but how many days have I have had to cook for you now?"

"It was only that one time! It was—oh, fine, whatever…Please?"

"How pathetic. A grown man who cannot even cook himself a decent meal."

"I can!" Iruka protested. "It's just…all that ramen he eats…it's too much."

"On your salary?" Neji intoned.

"On my mentality," he said sourly. "I've started to eat cup ramen because I don't even have the funds for foodstuff."

"That is sad, Sensei. How do you live with yourself?" She threw open his fridge and promptly sneered at its contents. "How do you _live_ with yourself? Edamame? Umeboshi? _Shochu_? What in the world do you need alcohol for?"

"Naruto," he said helplessly. "It was a joke. Just a joke. I didn't drink any."

Neji still scrutinized the bottle shrewdly. "That Naruto uses the shinobi arts to purchase drinks stronger than sake? What a useless way to use _henge_."

"Yes," Iruka said, still flustered. "That's Naruto for you, practical prankster in everything that matters…"

"Yes, I know of his reputation." She unscrewed the top and gave it a sniff. To his great discomfort, she looked at it speculatively.

"What…what are you doing, Neji-kun…?"

"I'm not going to drink it. But then…how else are you supposed to test its quality?"

"You've drunk alcohol before?" he said, alarmed.

She nearly rolled her eyes. "Old enough to kill, old enough to drink, Sensei," Neji drawled, and then tipped the bottle back.

Iruka's protests were soundly ignored. He reached for the bottle. "I think that's _enough_, Neji-kun."

She gave it up without a word. He glanced at her warily before hastily putting the bottle away. "Neji-kun…"

"It's strong," she enunciated slowly. "My suspicions are confirmed."

"Which ones?"

"That one should keep this _far_ away from Lee." She blinked. "This is stronger than sake, isn't it."

"As far as I kn—wait. How would you _know_that…!"

"BBQ," she coughed, grimacing; the drink was not to her taste. "Remember that BBQ restaurant down the street?"

"What does…no. No, no, no. That was your _team_!"

"No! Lee drank Gai-sensei's alcohol by accident—but then…" Neji trailed off, shivering.

Iruka looked up at the ceiling bleakly. "That man created a monster."

"Lee was…is terrifying, but not nearly as bad as Gai-sensei." She sounded as bleak as he looked, too. "His training…only by my will am I able to withstand his training."

"I knew it was a bad idea to give Gai a team," he fretted. "Hokage-sama gave the go-ahead for it, but I didn't know which team to sacrifice to that spandex-clad man!"

"Thanks, Sensei," she said sourly.

"Well…and Mizuki-sensei. And other teachers…and the board…"

Neji scoffed. "What do they know anyway? Gai-sensei would've only taken us."

"How do you know?"

She stopped. "It's because…I can't imagine him training any other. Who else would put up with him? Who else would be willing to work as hard as we do? We are _Team Gai_ because he is our sensei. There _is_ no one else for us. We just…are. But don't mistake it for anything else! I can give him up if another comes along, you know. I can."

Iruka looked surprised, but then his smile gentled. "I know you're not talking about me. You've come to care for your team. I'm glad."

"You still can."

"What can an academy instructor teach to a Hyuuga?" he laughed. 

"It's not just about the training, Sense—" She abruptly stood, turning. "I will go now."

"Wait, why?" He stood up, too. "You don't have to leave."

Neji glanced over her shoulder and he saw the veins that protruded from her eyes. "Uzumaki Naruto is coming here." 

"That's great! Why don't you—?"

"No. I've no such desire, Sensei. I'll be going now."

"You avoid Naruto whenever you can." He sounded dismayed. "I don't think he even knows my time is not monopolized by him alone."

"Our places are different," Neji countered calmly. "My path does not cross Uzumaki's. My fate is one that cannot be changed no matter who I meet. Therefore, he is not someone worth my time."

"Neji!" Iruka barked.

"I am telling the truth, Sensei. Or, at least, a mere part of it."

"Then what is the entire truth? Why do you avoid Naruto like everyone else—?"

"Think about it, Sensei. I am a Hyuuga, a branch member. You know this! And also…he is a pariah, isn't he? If I am seen…no. I never will be seen in the company of the likes of Uzumaki Naruto."

"He's not like that," Iruka said quietly. "He's not—an idiot. Not like he makes everyone believe."

"I know," she said. "If you've been willing to befriend him all this time, who am I to make assumptions of the company _you_ keep? He must have some worth if you're willing to protect him to the extent you do."

"Then why?" he pleaded. "I want…"

Neji sighed and leaned against the door. "That's what you want, Sensei, but what does Uzumaki Naruto want? Does he know that you scrap by on your pitiful academy earnings? Does he know that you stock up on edamame and umeboshi? Does he even know that you have friends that are not him?"

"That's…that's not…"

Her expression turned irate. "The Uzumaki you know does not see you are his friend. He sees you as his idol, his role model…maybe even a father. Who am I to destroy those illusions? What do you suppose I do, Sensei? Appear before him as a rival? I already have Lee, and he already has a...father. Does this Uzumaki have any other besides you?"

Iruka looked away.

"I thought as much," Neji whispered. "You see…Uzumaki Naruto may not have my respect, but I…orphans, you see, we orphans…never let go of our fathers. But Uzumaki…he has never met his father, has he?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but she shook her head. "Don't you understand, Sensei? I'm a little jealous of him. To him, you _are_ his father. I, however, do not have such a luxury. You could never be my father. 

"After all, my father is dead."

* * *

Iruka is awesome, but don't mind the Japanese food references so much because all you need to know is a healthy fridge should not just hold edamame and umeboshi and alcohol. 


	15. Self Image

A very weird, introspective chapter. It was written that way, but there are a lot of issues that are addressed in undertone. Neji isn't as impenetrable as she likes to think she is. Canon Neji is strong, confident, and fierce, rage being his only motive preExams. I wanted to show something a little bit...different.

* * *

Had Gai not have been their jounin instructor, Neji would've been their true team leader.

She found herself settling into the role fairly quickly, the undisputed pseudo-leader among the three of them. Four, if Gai was to be counted. But then again, he never counted because while Gai liked to observe Neji's budding leadership skills, he was always ready to swoop in and save the day.

Neji should've been annoyed at that, but she wanted. Not at all.

At her most vulnerable moments, she actually appreciated it.

She wore a yukata that befitted the air of a dignified Hyuuga. Though civilians would've never been able to tell that she was an inferior clan member of any sort, too dazzled by base Hyuuga textile quality, Neji felt naked all day.

Clothed and swathed in that pretty little thing, she longed to rip it off and find comfort in familiar baggy clothings that suited a boy more than her.

She never cared, though. What were appearances but to be cut down to make a shinobi as efficient as possible? But she was no shinobi—she was a _kunoichi_. She'd been trained as one, too! Impossible. Inferior birth, inferior training...to think that her weaker cousins were trained in styles much more proactive and in the likeness of the traditional Hyuuga way and not she...but why?

She had no impurities in her blood, after all. She was pure. Her lineage was true. Only...if only her father would be acknowledged as their clan leader's true family...that Hizashi would be fated to be branded just for the imperfect form of being the younger brother of Hiashi-sama infuriated her.

But Neji hid her anger well. Long time bitterness was easy to swallow and smile through gritted teeth than recent upheavals. Like her untoward training—_but she didn't want to go there_.

The yukata...made her look unabashedly, unmistakably feminine. No one could ever take her for a boy in those clothes.

Her perfectly able Byakugan looked out of place when activated. She turned away from the mirror in disgust, suddenly realizing that clan doubts would raise even further against her were she to walk out the doors in this ridiculous ensemble.

But she did. All day. And what a grand day it was, everyone throwing fits in preparation for the festival ahead.

Inexplicably, she found a deep curling dread in her belly. It caused her to be made a fool in front of relatives, civilians, and teammates alike. Anger, fast and hot, clouded her mind through the hours, carrying her through the torture with its seductive, coaxing urgings.

She was not in the wrong. She was _never_ in the wrong.

It did not make her stand any prouder. Neji still had to struggle not to slouch when in her yukata.

Unmistakably feminine. It certainly was not _hers_. Hiashi-sama had bought them, apparently with her discomfort in mind.

Everyone in the clan knew that Hyuuga Neji was still fighting against her fate. And in the most petty ways possible, like hacking away at her hair and donning men's clothing as easily as hidden kunai...she was both an embarrassment and pride to the clan. The villagers didn't give much reaction to her strangeness, other than to remark at how the rigidly traditional and patriarchal clan was allowing her to roam free.

It was the shinobi who took care not to be caught gossiping.

Outside of the clan, she was lauded as a genius. A prodigy.

But inside...everyone knew what she was inside the clan.

Cast off. Throwaway. Potential lost because of stubborn refusal to adhere to traditions. _The kunoichi who didn't know her place_.

She'd been boyish for so long, fighting for so long, that she'd forgotten how soft a woman's clothes could be. The material was marveled at, the lengths awkwardly wrapped on her too-thin frame, and she caught herself staring mournfully at her lank hair, wondering why she hadn't cut it earlier. Unnecessary. Bothersome. Why hadn't she cut her hair as usual? It was getting to be long again...

And then the answer hit her. It was because she wanted to be beautiful. She wanted to be seen with that feminine poise. She wanted to show that she was not some unorthodox monster, neither completely girl or boy...wasn't hair a woman's pride and joy? Therefore, wouldn't it do..._something_ to make her appear less...hideous?

Why? Neji thought, frustrated, bangs clenched in her hands. Why would she hope for such an inane thing? How could she have secretly hoped for something stupid like that...only to look in the mirror and realize_was this what she was hoping for all along_?

Hyuuga women were docile. Gentle. Hardly the warriors the clan demanded of its _men_. Branch member boys were taken from their mothers, trained from birth. The training of main house boys started considerably later, but with severe precision and consideration, often from the strongest of the clan. And the women? What were they but the bearers of their heirs, their children, a factory to be used to replenish the clan so that it may remain strong?

And the daughters...why train them to be anything other than mothers, wives, healers, or kunoichi...? And such a shameful proposition, the kunoichi path...what Hyuuga woman would dare be subjected to its disgusting arts and participate in such whoreish acts of perversity? All for the village? The Hyuuga clan was above that! None of its women would be pressed into _that_ service...

Why was Neji trained the way she did? Hiashi-sama decided it for her, when she showed the potential to be an excellent fighter..._so why not train her as a shinobi?_

Neji did not want tinkling laughter and coy smiles to be her sheathe. She did not want to slip poison delicately into a nobleman's brew and act the pretty female to faint and gasp whenever she pleased. She did not want to wield delicate weapons, more quaint and cute compared to the weapons sold to the men; she wanted the fast and hard ferocity of the clan techniques, the deadly accuracy the Byakugan gave to its owners to use to kill with precious seconds...

She wanted none of that. She thought herself assured, confident, her own person. She had an identity—it wasn't something she particularly wanted, but what was her reputation but a way to identify herself outside the clan? As an individual? What was she but a loyal member of Konoha, in service to its Kage...?

What was she?

Neji clasped her arms tightly, seeing that her hands were still shaking._What was she_?

She was not beautiful or...or delicate. Her eyes stared accusingly back at her from a glassy surface that did nothing but reflect a horrific creature...

The girl she saw was not her. And to delusion herself to pretend otherwise...

She was too pretty. Too fragile. Face too soft, eyes too big...but her hair...

Her disgusting female conscious had mourned the fact that her hair appeared hideous, had been hideous all this time. Even without having hacked it to pieces, it still lacked the smooth luster that women slaved to maintain. Neji hadn't even bothered, and that inner female was growing steadily hysterical about the fact and she didn't even know why.

But there was comfort in the more logical, calculating side of her. The one that she depended on when she was fighting or on a mission. The thoughts were cold, precise...prompt. Cut it off. Rip this off. Show some skin. Cover up. Her body was helpless to the onslaught of practicality then. On missions, it was even worse. Most days, she could easily ignore the fact that she barely resembled her own sex...that if it weren't for strange creatures like Lee hugging her day in and day out that the village wouldn't forget her true gender. That was a small comfort.

On days like these, when her failings were so openly displayed...and she was supposed to primp herself up and be _proud_ of the results? Was this what she came up with? Pathetic. Stupid. She looked ridiculous—she _felt_ ridiculous. And she couldn't even decide whether she felt as horrible as she looked, or was actually prettier than she thought but was masking and choking herself with the fake, fake, _fakeness_ of it all—

"Make it stop..._make it stop_."

Fireworks exploded outside. A loud cheer, the likes of which would never be heard at any other time, called up and rang through the village. So much laughter and crying and _crying_...

She stumbled out of the restroom, clasping heaving walls that lurched this way and that—the shop was empty. Why was it empty? Fireworks. Laughter. _Cheering_. Everyone—everyone was outside, celebrating, shouldn't she be, too? Wasn't the entire clan outside of the compounds now, privately celebrating the death of the Kyuubi away from the commoners, the rest of the village...?

Where was _she_?

She wanted her clothes back. She wanted the safety and security of her room—she wanted her bed, she wanted her clothes...where were her teammates? Where was her _team_? Where were they meeting...?

She wanted a meeting.

The world tilted again, the sky exploding into lights...and she did nothing but stare. Wondering. Wanting. Aching. All over, she ached.

Neji did not cry. Already, villagers were on their way to becoming drunk, and many more were drunk off of tears and grief and vindictive joy and happy, happy feelings, and...and...

She wanted her team back. With Gai looming over them looking as freaky as always, but ever protective...Tenten watching her back, someone she could actually rely on and use as support...and Lee. Where was Lee?

Not here.

"You're supposed to be with Gai...sensei."

Certainly not here.

"No," her teammate whispered. "I should be here. I am right here."

Her eyes closed and she swore the world tiled again.


	16. Haku

Direct continuation. 

* * *

Feverish dreams and hazy moments of consciousness were all she had when she came to.

She wondered where she was and found that she didn't care. Her body felt wasted and her head ached and she felt sore all over—should she even care?

Was she a shinobi or not?

Her eyes flicked down at her yukata and she snorted.

She didn't care.

"You're awake!"

Still, Neji couldn't quite hold back a wince. "Sensei. I thought this was your place."

Content, she watched through hooded eyes as he fretted over her, not unlike a mother hen. It wasn't quite the safety and security she had in mind, but it would do. She felt incredibly comfortable anyway...why would she want to even move? Neji even smelled tea and traces of some godawful foodstuff mix. All the things of home. Iruka's home that is, but still home.

The Hyuuga compounds never felt like this. When she walked through its hallways, she felt constantly alert from all the pairs of eyes that would watch her progress. Here, it felt nothing of the sort...the compounds never even smelled anything like Iruka's place did.

"Why were you out tonight? Your body was exhausted and you were even ill..." Even worried as he was, he still had the energy to chide. "If Lee-kun hadn't brought you here, you'd been collapsed on some street or another! Do you know how worried everyone was?"

"Only you and Lee knows I'm here," Neji managed to drawl. "The village is still in an uproar and the Hyuuga wouldn't give a damn about missing persons during festivities. We celebrate on our grounds, too, you know."

"And yet you were on a main street and not anywhere near there." His accusation was gentled by a smile, though. A frowning sort of smile, but a smile nonetheless. She wasn't much in a mood to care because she just wanted to rest her head and _sleep—_

"So it was Lee after all," she murmured. She leaned back with a sigh. "My own personal stalker..."

"He was just worried about you."

"Like you are, too, I know, I know. However, not worried enough to go out actively and to search, not like your precious Uzumaki-kun..."

"_Neji_..."

"Sorry. I'm fine. Really. What do I care anyway? It's not like Lee even stayed...and since you're here, I guessed you found the kid after all. Is he all right? Of course he is. But if Lee ever got a hold on the kid, he wouldn't be."

"Neji-kun...you're rambling."

"I am, aren't I?"

"And Lee-kun did stay," Iruka said, smiling. For real this time, she noted. "He stayed until I had to beg him to leave."

"That would have gone right over his head, Sensei."

"I pointed out that my other...patient was having difficulty getting rest."

Neji stilled. "Other...patient?"

"Now, don't be mad, Neji-kun. I, uh...I didn't have enough time to move him yet. And there are two beds in here, so I thought—"

"Hyuuga-teme."

"Uzumaki baka," she deadpanned.

"Great that you're alive...but what the hell di'ya think to take advantage of Iruka-sensei's kindness!"

Iruka winced, slowing back up. "I've take it...you two met each other before?"

"Met each other before!" Naruto shouted. "I've known the bastard since I started school!"

"Volume duly noted and remembered. I don't associate with unsightly creatures. Please don't bring anything unnecessary up like that," Neji paused. "And have you _still_ not become a genin yet? How sad. How...expected."

"_Shut up_," he roared. "See, Iruka-sensei—see, see! Teme's still the same bastard!"

"Y-you two..."

"Get your insults right," she snapped, ignoring Iruka completely. "I'm a _girl_."

"...WHAAAT!"

* * *

Naruto pulled off another Haku mistake. Besides being an idiot, though, the odd relation between Naruto and Neji is completely reasonable here if one only looks at her carefully enough. There's a reason she hangs out with him, a pivotal change between her character and canon Neji's. 


	17. Chaos

"Why, thank you, Uzumaki. It's not often an idiot treats me to lunch."

"Shut up," he grumbled. "S'not like I wanted to. And we get ramen. Ramen! No complaints. Iruka-sensei told me about you." Naruto's eyes narrowed into slits, which, of course, made him look ridiculous. Not that he didn't already, lurid orange blinding anyone's view.

Neji smirked. "All right. I'll eat the crap. Free food is free food, after all."

"Arragh...! You're supposed to enjoy ramen because it's the best! The best! I eat it all the time, it's so good!"

"Should I dare trust any of your recommendations? I hardly see how dumping sodium constantly into your system is worth it."

"It's ra-men. _Ramen_!"

"Ah! Naruto-kun...you're here!"

"Ne, ne, Ayame-chan! Isn't ramen the best? Huh? Huh?"

The girl at the counter looked a little thrown. Neji could relate—Uzumaki was being _that loud_. "What...?"

"Stop bothering the locals, idiot."

"What'd you say...!"

"Oh, Naruto-kun is never any trouble!" she said hastily. "Father—Father, look, Naruto-kun's here!"

"Naruto!" a voice from the back boomed, coming closer. "I've been waiting for you all day! Who will try out my new recipe? That Chouji fellow was in here the other day..."

"NO! No way, old man! That ramen's mine—_mine_! Don't give Chouji first taste...!"

"Ha, I knew you'd say that, Naruto! Sit down, sit! Ayame—Ayame what are you—"

"What would you like to order?"

"If you have anything of any nutritious value, I'd appreciate it, Ayame-san."

"Oh! What a strange order...um, salad?"

"Oi! Hyuuga bastard, what're you think you're doing ordering Ayame-chan around!"

"Salads? Ayame, we don't have any of those!"

"I know we do, Father—em, somewhere..."

"Ramen! Ramen!"

Neji stood, agog at the chaos around her. A pressure was steadily building up in her temples and all she wanted to do was give in and rub the growing pain away. "I think I will go now."

"NO!" they all yelled. 

Ayame pulled her back down. "Hyuuga-san, please stay put. I know we have salads ready in the back..._don't we Otou-san_?"

"W-what? Oh. Oh, yes...yes, we do! I will be right out." The old man was quick to leave.

Naruto was quicker to object. "Oi, old man! What about my ramen!"

The old man waved him off distractedly. "You're always eating here, Naruto! Wait when we serve other customers!"

"Yes, Naruto. It's an honor to have Hyuuga-san dine here!"

"Hyuuga bastard can go kiss my ass!" Naruto slammed a passionate fist down. "She doesn't deserve to be served! Who does she think she is, ordering stupid vegetables at a ramen stand! Go eat at some fancy restaurant for that—this is ramen. _Ra-men_!"

"I can hear you just fine." Neji's face looked pained. "I'm right here, you know."

"Don't listen in on other people's conversations, bastard! Didn't they teach you that shit at your uppity clan?"

"_Naruto_!" The old man had returned with plates in hands, but he looked on the verge of dropping them. Ayame hastened to help, while her father continued to look stricken. "Don't insult my customers! No coupons for you!"

"What?" the boy squawked. "You can't do that, I eat here! I need those coupons—_old man_! Old man!"

"I'm sorry, Hyuuga-san." Ayame's smile was fixed. "Here's your salad. On the house. Also, please try our noodles. Also...free." She set down two ramen bowls, one of which Naruto set upon immediately. 

Neji stared at him, too horrified at his manners to begin eating.

Ayame's father felt less than pleased about the situation. "And Naruto...there is no sampling! Pay for the whole bowl or don't eat at all!"

That stopped the boy cold. "You're cruel," the Naruto cried. Neji was mortified to see that he was near _tears_. "Why? Why is this happening to me?"

"Kami-sama...it's _fate_," Neji breathed. "Kami-sama is finally taking pity on me and is stopping my suffering."

The look Ayame shot her was one full of pity. "Hyuuga-san...I am _so_ sorry."

It took only the next few minutes to see why. Naruto's eating habits were much less to be desired. Neji went through her salad with the single-minded focus of a drowning person.

"Anyways, you've changed."

She was beyond relieved that ramen acted as a sedative for the boy. 

"I mean, you were all studious and shit, like you had a stick up your ass! You still do! I don't know how Fuzzy-Brows puts up with you...! He's even freakier than you!"

Well, he was still loud. And crude.

"Fuzzy-Brows...?" Neji raised a slow brow.. "Don't tell me...Rock Lee?"

"If he's the weirdo who carried you to Iruka-sensei's place, then yeah...that kid." He waved his chopsticks around furiously. "I thought he was gay, too, because he was handling you like a pervert."

She twitched.

"But it turns out I was wrong—you just look like a boy, even when you're dressed like a girl!"

"I_am_a girl, idiot."

"Not with that face on!" he yelled. "You're nothing like Sakura-chan—she's sweet and pretty and...and...smart. Yeah, yeah! She's real smart. She always gets the right answers in class! And her forehead is so pretty, I don't know why she keeps hiding it!" He suddenly fell into a daze. "Yeah...her forehead..."

"Kami-sama have pity on her. You really suck at complimenting girls."

Naruto snapped out of it to yell, "I thought you were a boy this whole time! You even act like one—nothing like a girl at all!"

"Uzumaki...how can you not tell I'm a girl in _this_ ensemble?"

He narrowed his eyes again. "En-sem-ble. Stop using big words to sound cool and smart! Only Sakura-chan can be cool and smart!"

Neji tutted softly, shaking her head. Her ramen was long forgotten, but her condescending actions seemed to piss the boy off more than wasted noodles. "Oh, Uzumaki."

"I'll beat you into the ground...!"

"I still look like a boy. I know yukatas are formless, but I still look like a boy? Uzumaki, you truly are an idiot."

"Well, how can anyone tell you're a girl when you don't like one!"

"What should I act like then?" Neji said. "A fainting flower? A pathetic little girl who can't even defend herself...? What kind of person do you take me for, Uzumaki-baka? If this Sakura wants you as some sort of savior, then she isn't worth it."

Naruto fairly blew up. "NOT WORTH IT! Bastard! Sakura-chan is ten times better than you!"

"An Uchiha sycophant...am I correct?"

"Wh-what? Teme...what the hell are you talking about!"

"Your 'Sakura-chan' has never given you the light of day, has she? No...it's because she's obsessed with that overly glorified _Uchiha survivor_."

Naruto's hands tightened into fists. "I hate him!" he cried, anger turning elsewhere at the prompt. "Sasuke thinks he's so cool—but he just sits there and glares. He made Sakura-chan cry...!"

"And she keeps going after him. What a masochist." 

"Heey..." The younger boy's face scrunched up. "You're not...one of his fangirls?"

To say Neji was insulted was something better left unsaid. "You...are...an idiot. I'll be going now."

She hadn't even touched her ramen. Naruto sat there in a stupor, wrapping his head around the idea that not _all_ girls were one of his rival's fangirls...

And then he came to a decision.

"W-wait! Hyuu—_Neji_! Wait up, Neji!" And when Neji still hadn't answered, "_Neji bastard_! Come back here when I'm talking to you, damn it!"

She was smirking all the way back home.


	18. Inebriation

"Neji...you're really—cheery."

"Am I? I haven't noticed."

"Lee?"

"I am sorry, Tenten, but my eternal rival is as...dour as ever! Neji-kun, it's not good for your complexion!"

Tenten choked, kunai slightly off its mark. She pivoted, exclaiming, "_What_? Lee, don't ever pass yourself off as some fashion guru! It's too frightening. Like Neji's scowl. Like Gai's tights. Like your singing."

Neji twitched imperceptibly; Lee had been _that loud_?

"Neji is Neji, my rival! No matter what fearsome scowl she wears, she is glorious in whatever appearance she takes!"

"You just had to set him off..."

Tenten looked pained. "I'm sorry, I forget—"

"And Gai-sensei is inspirational! He lights in me the inner fire of Konoha's raging spirit, the will of fire burns strong in me! Gai-sensei taught me this, and more! I am most proud of my singing, Tenten, but Gai-sensei I must strive to do even better...! GAI-SENSEI! This...THIS IS MY CRY!"

"You forget that Lee translates whatever insult towards his idol into another passionate rant? Kami-sama, Tenten."

"I'm sorry! But...but it's not like you're doing much to help either! When you let him hug you and crap, he was actually docile. Docile, Neji, _docile_!"

"Yes," she deadpanned. "As if Lee was ever docile. He is no louder than before."

Her teammate threw up her hands. "Exactly! At least then we had some hours of peace. Now, at first sight, you _kaiten_ him and he takes it as a challenge!"

"Ultimate defense," Neji shrugged, smirking. "Nothing that idiot can throw at me can penetrate it. It is impermeable. It is my shield which protects me from his horrid advances. You defend yourself with weapons? Even Lee can get through one of your scrolls and still make it to you. You shouldn't deny him the pleasure of _embracing_, am I correct?"

"Oh, show off, will you?" Tenten said sourly. Kunai hit the target viciously now. "It's not like you can spin forever, you lollipop."

Even Lee stopped his monologue to stare. In contrast to Neji's blank expression, though, he looked like he'd heard a most wonderful thing from his suddenly blushing teammate. "Tenten...that was...truly inspiring!"

"I...am not even going to ask."

"Oh god...that did not come out right!" Her blush was furious, her hands waving frantically. "It's not like Lee lunges...in that way. No one can hardly train their _tongue_!"

"I don't even need to ask." Neji looked up into the sky. "Do I need to ask? Of course not. My teammate did not just make ill allusions to Lee's repeated attacks and...that. Yes."

"Well...it does look like a lollipop!" Tenten defended. "I did _not_ make a double entendre or, or an innuendo or something!"

"Stop. Please."

"I take it back," she hissed, alarmed by Neji's pallor, "I take it back. I take it all back! It just came out—funny."

Neji looked bleak. "Funny."

"Yes._ Funny_."

"I'm not laughing."

"It's not a laughing matter!"

"What is?" Lee broke in finally, wide eyed. "What's funny—?"

"Nothing! Nothing at all—go...go train or something, Lee."

"_Yosh_! You will be the one training with me today, Tenten?"

"I...fine. Fine! Whatever! Just get out on that field!"

Lee ran madly away, giving random shouts of glee. Tenten shuddered, turning away from the scene only to meet Neji's very bland eyes.

"I do not being reminded of the...incident."

"I was horrified, too, Neji."

"Yes, well, I'm still horrified."

"So am I."

"You instigated it. The _reminder_ and even the incident itself. I thought we agreed to never speak of it again. We agreed, Tenten."

"God...it was just a cafe! It had all these gajin sweets and great tea, okay? How the hell was I supposed to know that lollipops were the alcohol equivalent in Lee's candy world?"

"Again...I'm not even going to ask."

"You don't have to," Tenten shouted. "We've been over this already! What Lee did was in no way my fault."

"_You_ gave him that damn lollipop...Look at him, does that boy need any more sugar in his system? The concentrated gajin kind?"

In the distance, Lee gave a resounding cry and smashed a post into pieces from the sky.

Tenten shook her head mutely. 

Neji slouched, tree trunk the only thing supporting her. "You..."

"I know. I know. I am _so_ sorry. I really hadn't...meant to, you know...remind you of anything."

"I wouldn't put it past Lee to drink alcohol _and _eat lollipops at the same time," Neji said bitterly, "_within my vicinity_."

"He's not out to spite you."

"So says the girl who ran at first signs of inebriation."

"Hey, Lee's _scary_ when he's using that taijutsu...all freaky limbs. Besides, he was going for you anyways."

"I was having a perfectly pleasant dinner when the moron drank Gai's sake. Was it not odd that the idiot went straight for me?"

"What a rival complex. And on top of that mad crush he's having?"

"Kami-sama, don't remind me."

"Sorry." She paused. "Although...it's kind of cute, isn't it, the way he's still going strong even after all these years?"

Neji's eyes fairly glowed. "You have two seconds to run. I suggest you make the best of them _now_."

* * *

Lollipops totally belong to this universe and "gajin" means foreigner in relation to white people.


	19. Challenge

It should have been amusing as hell. It should have sent her into fits of giggles—had she not been a seemingly unsightly female who scorned all that was feminine coyness. But really, there was a name for this type of situation. It was the kind of circumstances, Neji mused, that one had to feel some sort of amusement from. Certainly, even her unshakable apathy towards all who bore _his_ name was being, well...shaken at the new development. Could one not derive some sort of vindictive pleasure at this...? Besides, who was she to deny what the boy so obviously wanted?

There was a name for this type of situation. But what could sum up all of his arrogance, her distaste, and the general feelings that hung on the air heavily that perhaps should've been taken as climatic...?

And then Neji realized the word: Pity.

Her lips curled into a sneer at the revelation. Pity...and she would've so loved to have postponed this meeting. Whatever delights to be had, there was none for certain in those blank, infuriated eyes.

Uchiha eyes. Coal black to her ash white. How fun.

How stupid.

How..._foolish_.

Fighting as hard against fate as he did...but what was to gain from fighting _her_? How utterly pointless. There was no gain to be had—unless he...

She pushed locks of hair away from her face, if only to see the boy better. It was also a subtle jab, one that said she was willing to obscure her vision momentarily just to move pieces of hair. Even though she technically would've never been at a disadvantage in terms of sight, thanks to her all-seeing eyes, the moment was not lost on the boy. The taunt only served to infuriate him further. 

Neji found it kind of fun, in a lazy sort of way.

She supposed he was cute, too, in that boyish manner where one wants to fondly pet some adored cat or another. She used a cat for an example because it so suited the last remnants of the Uchiha clan—that is, how the academy student demanded such things of her all with that imperious voice, cold air, and prickly attitude. And as she let the silence stretch on meaningfully, to the point of snubbing his...demands, he seemed to bristle. Had he any fur to speak of, Uchiha Sasuke would have been bristling.

"Boy..." she said finally. "You do know who you are, right?"

What an odd way to phrase an unexpected question. If anything, he'd been expecting her to say something along the lines of whether or not he was aware of who _she_ was. Obviously, the same boy was ignorant of the world and its ways—especially that of the Hyuuga clan. He had no concept of filial hierarchy. That was just fine with her.

"Of course I know who I am. I am Uchiha Sasuke, and I demand a fight from this year's prodigy!"

Not to mention, the previous year, the year before that and...oh, the year even before that.

An upstart wannabe-genin wanting to 'prove' himself to the world that he's capable to starting on a path to becoming an elite. But surely Uchiha Sasuke had more...substance than that.

Surely.

Otherwise, it would be a sham to continue the farce that the Uchiha were in any sort of way _capable_ of being a rival to the Hyuuga clan. Neji had her moments of disloyalty, but even she had a vague sort of concept of clan pride. 

A slow curve of her lips, and suddenly she was smiling. It seemed to put the Uchiha more on edge than any smirk she could've dealt out. And she was delighted. "And since you know who you are...you should know better than to dare challenge a Hyuuga!"

"Shut up," he snarled, lunging towards her, kunai in hand. His eyes were not even red—_pathetic, charging me head on?_—and Neji crouched to meet him—_foolish boy_.

"Kaiten," she whispered, and then she spun!

* * *

Sasuke lost because he's still a noob and because his singlehanded takeover of Naruto: Shippuuden hasn't happened yet and never will because that kid is just annoying. He challenged Neji because that's what he does, go after bigger, better game than himself in order to test himself to see if he's worthy of being Itachi's eyes' vassal. Oh, I'm sorry, did I just reveal a spoiler to you? 


	20. Marriage

I actually wasn't sure of this chapter. I wanted to bring Hinata back in for a cameo, but it turned into something completely unexpected. This chapter will become somewhat important in resolving the Hiashi-Neji issue at the end because I want to keep true to canon in that regard. The resolvment will be completely different from canon, though.

* * *

Hinata-sama looked terrified. As discreetly as she could, she shot panicked glances all around the room, and Neji had carefully turned her head away when that gaze fell on her. She felt pity for Hinata, but stayed quiet. She did not want all of the clan's attention on her right now, but her poor cousin was feeling the brunt of it.

The girl didn't know what to do. And it showed.

_Hiashi-sama_..._what are you doing_?_ Why are you doing this __**now**_

"Hiashi-sama." The elder stiffly bowed her head, repeating Neji's thoughts. "What is the meaning of this? There is no need to call a meeting. The situation with the heiress is not so complicated."

Neji fought the temptation to snap at the woman; the woman was a council member and held far more power than Neji ever would. With a bitter-laced taste in her mouth, she acknowledged that her presence here was tenuous, at best.

But what was she doing here? And why was she allowed to attend?

"Hinata is my daughter," Hiashi said slowly. "Whether she has merit or not, she will be graduating in order to prove her worth."

Hinata-sama visibly cringed at her father's words, and Neji nearly winced when she caught it. Nearly. It was keeping all her self-control to appear as calm as possible in a place where her nerves were all taunt, fraught with tension. The Hyuuga prodigy thought she did well enough—no one suspected her cool sweep of the room as nothing more than appraisal, when she really was doing nothing more than watching her cousin. Neji was promptly ignored; prodigy or not, branch house members were still a minority in these meetings, but she did considerably better to hide her true feelings and thoughts compared to her sealed family members.

Neji hated meetings, almost with a passion to rival Gai's. That was one downfall of being considered a genius.

"Regardless," another elder said, "the girl is also of age. And what of your youngest? Would you not want to secure the happiness of your_ daughters_, Hiashi-sama?" The sneer was pronounced, and there was a heightened sense of tension in the room.

"Careful with your tongue, Higuchi-san," Hiashi advised softly, "for I will not accept such words from you. The fate of my daughters belongs to I alone. No one is to interfere with anything pertaining to their futures."

Hanabi would have had a word or two to say to that. She may have parroted her father's words, but she was still a little girl, privileged and secure in her position in this precarious clan. She did not know of politics and deceit, or how vital it was to adhere to distasteful people at times and put them down at others. Her attitude would have been brash in private, disgraceful in public, but she would realize, too late, the damage her words could have done. 

She was young, yes, precisely why she was not present that night.

But to have Hinata-sama to bear witness to her own future being hashed and rehashed with the hasty patience of old men and spiteful women...what was Hiashi-sama thinking having her here?

It was cruel, unimaginably so, and Neji's inner scowl became deeper at the thought. _She_ would have never succumbed to the pressure, were she in Hinata-sama's place. But look at her now, the girl was trembling in her seat!

Neji felt a strange mix of emotions just then, a conflicting mess of pity and disgust that meshed together and made her want to retch.

What in the world was _wrong_ with her?

Hinata-sama's frightened countenance met hers again, and her startlement must have showed, even briefly, because now the girl was _staring_ at her, pleadingly...helplessly...

_You are your father's __daughter_, Neji wanted to shout. _Act like the heiress you're supposed to be_!

Her cousin's face, if possibly, became even more frightened. She was quick to duck her head, ashamedly avoiding everyone's eyes at last, but Neji could do nothing but stare.

This...was their future leader?

"You must agree, though, Hiashi-sama that contracts would only aid our clan. With security promised to our people, they..."

Neji was hardly listening, following Hinata-sama's example in staring at the floor. Newly beaten tatami mats felt hard against her knees and she surreptitiously glanced at the cushions the main house members had. Something rushed in her ear just then , a sound none but her could have heard for however blindly she wanted to look around the room, she knew she alone would be to fool to have done so. She felt lightheaded, a feeling she was not usually subjected to, but suddenly the air was positively stifling and she could hardly breathe...

"...betrothal? You are fighting against the unanimous consent of engaging the girl when her future as a shinobi is so shaky?"

_Betrothal_.

Hinata-sama looked horrified. Neji thought she did, too. Her position was so far below her cousins, but, Kami-sama...she was a woman, too! Nothing more than a girl at the moment, yes, but she was a lowly branch house member...and she was trained in the _weak_ kunoichi arts...give or take a few years and...

She was sealed when she was the niece of the clan head. Were her skills not enough? Hinata-sama, who clearly abhorred the duties of an heiress, would not have understood the precarious spot Neji stood in just then. Realization washed over her, and she knew for what purpose she was _invited_ to sit in on such a privilege as a _clan meeting_.

Chains. The lock. This meeting clearly pertained only to the clan heiress, yet why was a mere prodigy invited? What could Neji have contributed to the decision of strengthening their clan politically? Nothing. There was no point in her being there! None whatsoever, except...!

_Kami-sama_. Let not Hiashi-sama be so cruel as to force such a thing onto her. How long would it take for the councilmen to turn their attention on_her_ in order to bound the alarmingly talented branch member to their proper house? To their clan? How long until she would be reduced to nothing more than a pawn, when her only guardian was the clan head who cared nothing for her at all! He would not defend her...Hiashi-sama wouldn't defend her when it would come to that.

"...You seem in disagreement with my words. Do you have something you wish to say?"

Neji's eyes lifted off the floor and she graced her uncle a sweet smile. "I am sorry, Hiashi-sama, but I only wish the greatest happiness for Hinata-sama. Please do what you feel best."

"Of _course_ he will, you stupid girl," a councilman broke in.

"Enough," Hiashi commanded. "This meeting is adjourned. There is nothing more to discuss. My will is final: Hinata will continue her studies in the academy while my youngest will continue acquiring tutoring from that place. Contracts will have to wait until they are fully of age and until then I expect nothing that we have discussed today to be a problem."

She still stared at him, even when he motioned her to stay and everyone started to leave. She couldn't look away.

"When will you assign me a husband as well."

Hiashi looked tired, the expression giving away the similarities between he and his brother. Neji tensed at the revelation. "I am weary of constantly being at ends with you, Neji."

She said nothing, jaw clenched tightly so as to say nothing at all.

"Your father...my brother, told me to protect you that day. I feel...as though I failed."

"Hiashi-sama..."

"Uncle," he interrupted.

"...Uncle. You have done me no wrong. I do not know why you are saying this now."

Hiashi didn't react other than the minute tightening of his lips; his niece sounded so icily formal just then. "I say this to you because I am worried I failed you. You are not happy with past...decisions of mine. It is regretful, but I ask that you have patience. It is your father's wishes as well."

Neji's face was blank. "Of course, Uncle. I am content."

All politeness, no defiance. As carefully dull as a Hyuuga female appeared, Hiashi didn't look too pleased, though. "What do you want from life, Neji?" he said suddenly.

Her response was immediate, recycled, and monotone. "A life of honor that will bring glory to our clan. It is my duty, as a protector, to serve this clan in order to raise its standing to greater heights."

"You have no ambitions to become jounin nor any future aspirations for ANBU?" he said sharply. "I want to know your future plans, Neji, not a vague goal."

He had called his own clan's aspirations a vague goal. Something flickered in her eyes then and too late, he realized, she closed herself off completely. "Yes, Uncle. I shall strive to be an Anbu recruit."

Hiashi closed his eyes. "Leave." He sounded wearier than before, but there was also subtle anger there, a sort of taunt, raw undertone to his voice that Neji nearly missed it. But she had no time for speculation or analyzing—her uncle wanted her to leave immediately.

She stood from her kneel in a smooth gesture that betrayed her training. With a short but deep, Neji quickly left the room. Her graceful manner mocked him.

All but the clan head remained, and he continued to sit there placidly, features marred into something akin to frustration. A maid came around, but he asked for no more tea, and Hyuuga Hiashi was alone again.

* * *

It's implied Hiashi is not what he seems at first glance, but Neji is too wrapped around her own hatred and bitterness to see past that. This Neji never transferred her Hyuuga clan vendetta onto Hinata. Instead, "Hinata-sama" is regarded as pathetic, weak, and not just with a little incredulity; Hinata's not even worth her time. 


	21. Shopping

Remember all those chapters back when Hanabi told Neji about her room seals?

* * *

Neji gave a sigh, redirecting the girl's attention elsewhere. "Yes. Over there. If you're not absolutely precise in your kanji, the half-massed energy will blow up in your face. It needs to go_ somewhere_...no. No, not there either—! Better."

"This is so frustrating. I keep messing up! How do you keep your hand so steady? It's insane! We've been at this for hours."

The Hyuuga gave a brief smile. "It has only been thirty-seven minutes, Tenten. Please refrain from any exaggerations on your part that you cannot prove."

"Oh, shut up."

"Gladly. Now, about that last character..."

Tenten groaned. "Next time I need reviewing, I'll go to Iruka-sensei."

"Nonsense. You don't know where he lives."

Her eyes fairly glowed. "And you do?"

Neji gave her a level, cool look. "No, I am not stalking or exhibiting voyeuristic tendencies around him. It is all in your mind."

"It was worth a shot," she pouted. "Besides, why don't you just revise the whole thing for me?"

"When you are on a mission," Neji replied calmly, "and I am not there to help, you will need to be able to produce scrolls on your own. I will not be responsible for supplying you with your weapon—you will learn to do that yourself."

"How can a single _scroll_ act as a weapon? All I got off of you is that it's great for storing weapons."

"Figure it out yourself. You won't learn anything if I give you all the answers...my pupil."

A mock irritated look from her teammate managed to bring out another smile. "You're such a tease, Neji. I can't wait to see all the guys you torture when you start to grow up a bit."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

Tenten shrugged. "You don't dress to kill. Practical and logical, but kind of boring. Don't you find it annoying when people mistake you for a boy?"

"Plenty," Neji said. "Now, about that scroll..."

"No, hold on. Let's talk about this!"

Neji barely withheld her groan. "Let's not."

"You helped me back then. God, you even apologized! I think it's my turn to work some magic on you."

"Fixing my mistake doesn't merit 'magic'!" she protested. "I'd been an asshole to you, so I made amends."

"For the sake of teamwork?" Her eyes were steely, but there was a playful, relieved light to them.

"Yes, of course, because I would do this for Rock Lee—_no_, not just for the sake of teamwork. I am not that automatic. It's because you're my..."

"It's all right. You don't have to say it."

"...friend."

Tenten's answering smile was brilliant. 

Uncomfortable, she looked away. "What do you want to talk about anyway?" Neji forced a laugh. "I mean, is it so important that we have to forgo training?"

"That," Tenten exclaimed. "We have to do something about that attitude of yours!"

"..." Neji wasn't aware she'd been giving Tenten attitude.

Rolling her eyes in utter exasperation, Tenten grasped her teammate's hand and pulled her to the door. "We are not going to sit around and _train_. It's a Friday!"

Bemused, Neji let herself be dragged. "I was not aware that we were still academy students. Weekend initiations mean nothing to shinobi."

"I'm going to get you out of here," Tenten muttered, ignoring her. "I'm going to get you to properly relax!"

"The threat of an unknown location that a supposedly trusted ally is bringing me towards..."

"You're not giving up, are you."

"What are we doing? Why are we going inside, " she activated her Byakugan, "...a store?" 

Neji suddenly stiffened, and Tenten gritted her teeth. "Oh, no. No, no, no! You are going there with me, Neji, and—we—are—here!"

Each stark pause was punctuated with rough pulls towards the door. Tenten would have been flustered at all the looks they were attracting, but she was determined! Hyuuga Neji would go shopping with her!

But Neji was panicking. "Tenten," she hissed, ripping herself from her grasp, "what are we doing _in front of a clothing store_?"

"Shopping," Tenten hissed right back.

"I don't want to!"

"Too bad."

Neji sighed, giving a half-hearted tug. "Why do you want to dress me up, Tenten?" 

The fight seemed to have left her, but Tenten wasn't fooled. "What...you're giving up on me now, Hyuuga? Don't tell me you're ready to _juuken_ my ass when my back's turned."

"Never. I just want to know what compels you to do this to me."

She didn't look at her. "Lee...talked to me the other day."

Neji stiffened. "Why?"

Tenten shrugged, but her effort to be casual was in vain; she was fidgeting "I...I really was hurt, you know? Even though everything is back to normal, we still haven't _talked_ about it. You're as cool as ever and you're even training me so that I can become better. You've changed. You're a lot different now, but even though I've long forgiven you, you're still feeling guilty and...and it's my fault. I'm supposed to help you! But I've been so wrapped up in my own hurt, I never considered what made you go off like that in the first place...a-about fate."

"Everything isn't back to normal, Tenten."

She cringed. "I know."

"But...we're not any worse off. I mean, that day in the forest, I was not in a good mood."

"Yeah," Tenten laughed weakly. "I figured you weren't."

Neji looked a little embarrassed, the slightest pink appearing. "You shouldn't have to put up with me like you do."

"I can deal with a lot more crap from you. I'm just confused. Why did you start obsessing about fate? We're both really worried..."

"Something—happened. The Hyuuga clan is not normal, and a relative of mine was being..."

"You don't have to tell me," Tenten assured. "Lee is spastic over the issue, but everybody needs some privacy."

What Tenten said startled her. "You don't want to know?" Neji blurted.

"If there's one thing I understand about you, Neji, it's that you don't like people to pry," she said quietly. "Think of how long it took for Gai-sensei to train you."

Despite herself, Neji flinched. "I don't like thinking about that."

Tenten nodded slowly. "He's not disappointed in you. You're the strongest one out of us! But sometimes he looks...well, we're all worried about you. I can understand how having true kunoichi training is a shame to you, but when something personal happens just...tell us, okay? I—I really want to help you."

"Gai taught me speed, accuracy, and strength. However, my own uncle deigned to have me trained in passive arts with little regard to what_I_ wished. My training _shames_ me, Tenten."

"Would the other clans care? Hyuuga business is Hyuuga business, right?" She looked worried. "I mean, it's not even an official status. Not like ANBU."

"The issue is not that I want to hide it, it's that I can't. The Hyuuga clan is—no, the _other_ clans are progressing ahead of us. We are perpetually stuck in the past. We cannot go backwards but neither can we move forwards. The Kunoichi class is not...the most well regarded, but it's always been a supplement to regular training, never the primary."

"So the other clans, they wouldn't care?"

"Everyone's advancing," her smile was sardonic, "but us. So yes, the others factions of this village could care less. Perhaps I was born into this punishment. I don't know. My uncle spoke to me once when I was very young. About fate."

Tenten gave her a long look. "Is that where you got that ideology?"

"No," Neji said easily, "but at the time he was telling me my path in life, he was teaching my father a _lesson_. I quickly forgot about it in the aftermath...my father being in pain and all, I could care less what my uncle was saying to me. But it was the first time I ever hated in my life."

"Your uncle did that to his own brother?" she said, horrified. "Why? What did he do?"

"Nothing. My father did _nothing_."

Taken about at the tone, Tenten hesitated. "Neji..."

"I walked in. My uncle_ called_ for me to witness it, Tenten. Can you believe it? He did nothing wrong. Surely he didn't _do anything wrong_. How could he have? Uncle gave no explanation. No one told me why my father had to be punished. It just _happened_."

"N-Neji..."

"Why? That's a very good question," Neji spat. "All I know is it has something to do with the heiress, but it couldn't possibly be _that_ girl's fault. Too weak, too passive...she was an infant when it happened. She probably doesn't even remember! Yet...I'm the one cursed with the perfect memory of what happened, but I'm always passed over for the sake of the heiress, aren't I?"

"Do you hate Hinata-san? Is that why—?"

Neji turned away and curled into herself. "I never hated her. Hate, in this situation...implies jealousy. Well, I...am not jealous, am I. Why should I be?" With gritted teeth, she bit out, "But I suppose it's only right that _Hinata-sama_ gets the full advantages of the Hyuuga clan techniques. They don't dare teach a caged bird its means of escape!"

"So you only wanted their techniques?" Tenten said quietly. "That's..."

"I know what you're about to say, Tenten!" she snarled. "You're wrong. I don't need anyone to teach me what I already know! I am stronger than the heiress, stronger than a main house member. I never needed any of them and yet—!"

When Neji collapsed against a tree, Tenten breathed out, "You want their acknowledgment. That's what you've been fighting for all this time!"

Neji regarded her through hooded eyes. "What did you think?" she said tiredly. "I am weary of missions. I cannot stand my clan. But I am so weak to want him to _look at me_..." Neji choked out a laugh. "I am as pathetic as Hinata-sama—!"

"That's not true!" Tenten tugged her away from the tree and pulled her forward. Neji was too startled to react when arms were suddenly around her. "That's not true at all. You're strong, Neji. When the village sees you, you are the Hyuuga prodigy! And when it's time for the Chunnin Exams...you can show your uncle what you've learned."

"Tenten."

"You will show them! You will become a chunnin and then force them to acknowledge you. Your uncle and your family. You won't lose," she said fiercely, "and I'll help you in any way I can. I will help you realize your dream."

"Tenten," Neji sighed, "I understand."

"You never depend on Lee or me. Even Gai-sensei is willing to help! Why won't you lean on us?"

"I thought I am."

"I'm hugging you. It's different. You look like you need it anyway," Tenten said sourly.

"Ah," a faint smirk now, "and I suppose you're full of hugs today."

"Just enjoy it, damn it."

"...Tenten?"

"What?"

"...thanks."

She smiled. "You're welcome."

* * *

So. The Tenten problem is finally truly, truly resolved. It's still a sore spot, but at least it isn't festering anymore. This arc was important for development, but it was also important for setting some Hyuuga hatred issues straight and for giving a little insight on the whole "What does Neji know about Hizashi?" thing. 


	22. C class

"We're always fighting!" he wailed between slurps. "Teme thinks he's so cool...with his stupid fanclub and his stupid duck butt hair..."

Neji had no answer to that. She, instead, very calmly continued to eat.

Naruto started banging the counter top. "I don't get it! I thought we were a team back then! Now, all we're doing is shit like pulling some old geezer's weeds or finding some fat lady's cat! It's not fair. That mission was so cool and Kakashi-sensei was all kickass and Sakura was so good at guarding and I'll even miss that old, drunk, dirty man and even Sasuke-teme did something awesome, but now he's an asshole again! Graagh...! I hate this!"

"You're very loud." Neji sounded pained.

"HAH! I'm just getting started—!"

"Please, don't." She stirred her noodles half-heartedly. "When you said you wanted to tell me about your mission, I was expecting something a little more...impressive."

"It was impressive," he protested.

"As your first C-class mission, you have nothing else to compare it, too." Neji frowned. "But you're lucky. Gai-sensei had us do a ridiculous number of E-class missions because _community service_ is apparently character building."

Naruto burst out laughing. "I remember that! I saw you guys out at a nursing home and your crazy Fuzzy-brows teacher was making you all dance with old geezers! Good character building...mmrph—!"

Neji grimaced, but didn't pull her hand away. "Don't flap your mouth open when you're in the middle of grotesque...eating."

"Mmmh!"

"Close your mouth and _chew_, you uncouth—UZUMAKI!"

Naruto started to hack out ramen bits, looking a little green. "Sick! What do you do to your hands! Put on soapy lotion crap?"

Neji stared at her hand, aghast. "You licked me. You actually...licked me."

"What was I supposed to do?" he demanded, flinging a dramatic finger at her. "It was _your_ hand on _my_ mouth! I had to get it off somehow!"

Now Neji was looking a little distressed. "Kami-sama...not even a bath will rid me of your taint."

"Hey! I'm not diseased. You're the diseased, you with your...your...your cleanness! Yeah, yeah! I'm not the diseased one! You are! You are!"

"You may as well be." Neji threw down coins in disgust. "I can't stay here any longer. Tell me about your escapades later."

"Where are you going? Ramen! Eat your damn ramen!" A pause. "Or I will!"

Neji gagged.

* * *

The Naruto-Neji friendship is actually quite important. There's also a huge reason why Neji would even bother with the village pariah. If you think about it, they're actually quite similar. They both want acknowledgment and the desperation in the young Naruto drew her to him. Next chapter is a direct continuation from this one, and it features a certain sensei... 


	23. Baths

And that was how she ended up in the baths.

Neji sunk lower into the water, wondering what possessed her when she ran into the _public bathhouse_. Any manner of disgusting men could wander their way inside and there were nothing but common women here! Giggling, laughing, gossiping, _talking_...villagers.

She detested villagers.

When more than one curious gaze tried to peer at her through the steam, she sunk even further. They were village women with nothing on their simple minds but simple tasks and simple problems. They certainly didn't have any dojutsu bloodlimit or jutsu enabling them to see through things, but Neji still felt intensely uncomfortable being there naked.

She held the most advanced bloodline of the village, had a low level mastery of the Byukagan, and yet why did she still feel like she was the most visible one there?

Every day she was scrutinized, dissected, and talked about. She never cared before whether commoners gossiped about her or not, but the Chunnin Exams were coming and she...

What could she show?

Crippled. Disfigured. How could she dare show off her carcass to the world, to the Hokage she prided herself to have, and to the small number of friends who had at least some amount of respect for her? Tenten was right; she _did_ have a patched up past. And to engage in an opportunity to surpass her current rank...a competition of the shinobi countries' finest. 

Show her uncle what she learned? What a joke.

Lank hair curled around her in the water, but did nothing to hide the mark of shame etched into her forehead. Gently, Neji lifted a wrinkled hand and touched it. It never ceased to disturb her that even though she knew full well what shown from her skin, her fingers would never feel any sort of blemish or bump. The villagers never looked twice at what they perceived to be an unusual tattoo and Neji wanted to keep it that way. Still, it felt wrong somehow.

The power of the secret Hyuuga clan technique. A branch house member could almost forget it was even there.

"Your face is very gaunt, Neji-san. Are you ill?"

She immediately dropped her hand. Its sharp contact with the water made a splash that cleared the steam for a moment, revealing the new arrival. "No," Neji said coolly, narrowing her eyes at who she saw, "but I didn't think we were on first name terms...Kurenai-san."

The older woman swished her way over to Neji and seated herself next to the younger girl. Kurenai noticed her tense, but didn't remark on it. "I believe it is only appropriate. We are acquainted, in a way, through your cousin Hinata. I believe I may know a little bit about you by now to address you as such." 

The tone was strictly neutral, and Neji wondered what little Hinata told her motherly sensei about her cousin. "I see. However, I disagree. May I say why?"

"Please do."

"My relationship with Hinata-sama is a servile one. As you must know by now and by _this_," she vaguely motioned her forehead, "I speak the truth. Whatever complaints the heiress has made about me, I assure you, they are unfounded. I have not even talked with your student for several months."

The last she properly saw of her weak-willed cousin was when Neji had a taste of the curse seal's activation for the first time in her life. It was not an occasion that Neji liked to remember.

Kurenai had a strange expression on her face. "And why do you think I would know anything about what you're talking about?"

"Because you're Hinata-sama's mother," Neji said simply.

Looking taken aback, Kurenai whispered, "That's..."

"Not literally, of course," Neji drawled. "You're nothing like my aunt physically or even mentally, but you're someone that Hinata-sama sees as her mother. In a team such as yours, where Hinata-sama is among other prominent clan heirs and is the only female, she must look towards you for strength."

"How do you know all this?" Kurenai said sharply.

Neji refused to answer such an asinine question. "How do I know how an outsider like you would know of any Hyuuga secrets? It is because you are who you are and Hinata-sama is who she is. You must have wanted something from me that pertains to the heiress because she is the connection that links us together, however weak."

Kurenai did not miss the barb. "You're right, Neji-san, I have singled you out like this to speak to you about Hinata."

Neji leaned back, looking bored; she would not appear intimidated before this woman. "Yes?"

"Hinata misses you."

The Hyuuga held herself very still. "Why tell me this? Already I can see that you dislike me for my attitude towards your precious student. Why go out of your way to tell me this?"

"She misses you, although I have no idea why," Kurenai bit off. "It is distracting her on missions and you're all she can think of. She's worried yet won't tell her own team why. Shino and Kiba are very concerned and the issue was brought to my attention when she broke down in the middle of training."

"Ah," Neji said, "and therein lies the crux of the problem. You find me irritating because I am distracting your team from their duties." She shrugged. "The Aburame and the Inuzuka I have never met. I must seem quite foul if I can manage to bother the both of them without having seen their faces once."

"I want to know why," she said slowly.

"Why what, Kurenai-san."

"Why does Hinata care about you so much. You have none of her wellbeing in mind and yet she is punishing herself for a situation that she cannot help! Why do you engage in petty hatred when it can save the girl from more pain?"

Neji gave her a long look. "You said you know a bit about me. I have determined, from our short conversation together, that you know nothing about me at all. Perhaps you should ask your precious Hinata why I should feel so slighted by her mere presence. Certainly, it shall open your eyes a little bit more to how deep rooted this _petty hatred_ of mine really is."

She rose. "Goodbye, Kurenai-san. I hope that you will not approach me again with your petty complaints because I will not hear them. Hinata-sama is a topic my ears are closed to."

Kurenai's face tightened. "Hyuuga."

"Yes," Neji agreed, "that is my name."

* * *

Neji is very cynical, judgmental, and is happy to jump to conclusions upon first glance. Bath time is also the worst place to confront a cranky Neji, apparently.


	24. Friendship Guru

Hm. Remember when I said the Tenten issue was finally over? I lied. And Kurenai? Oh yeah, she's addressed.

* * *

He frowned again during the story. "...and Kurenai-san confronted you in the _baths_? That must not have been very pleasant."

"Understatement of the week, Sensei, and usually you're not so stupid." She paused. "Like Uzumaki."

He was unfazed. "Were you talking arrogantly to her? That may have been the problem."

"...I may have."

Iruka sounded exasperated. "Maybe that's why Kurenai doesn't like you. She's not the bad person you think she is, she's just very protective. She grew up with her kids and you haven't given her a reason to sympathize with you. May I remind you that she was once my colleague?"

Neji shrugged. "I never had her."

"But she had been in contact with Hinata long before they were ever put on a team together. She's had plenty of time to get to know Hinata," Iruka pointed out sensibly.

"And I suppose my cousin painted me as some horrific storybook villain," she snapped. "Never mind the fact that she, as the heiress, should have very little complaints about her position."

There was a definite sigh in his voice now. "Hinata is not as bad as you think, Neji-kun. I know you don't really hate her."

"No, but that seems to be the general impression, doesn't it? Who am I to change the minds of the ignorant if they are so insipid they can only see through one layer of truth and not two."

"There you go again. If you only allow people to see one side of you, how do you expect them to change?" Iruka smiled sadly. "You're not an arrogant person, Neji-kun. I wish you wouldn't act like it."

Neji's mouth thinned. "I don't care what people think."

"What about your friends? Remember when you were in a panic over Tenten?"

"That was a long time ago and I certainly was not _panicking_."

"I beg to differ," Iruka argued. "I've watched the two of you in the academy. It was only due to a misunderstanding that that fight happened, right? You told me you said something...bad to her. I think the combination of your thoughtless words and attitude set her off."

She started to glare at him.

"You two never fought before, right?" he said suddenly. "If that had been the first big fight in your friendship, well...there'd be nothing to worry about. Friends fight all the time and you hadn't expected her reaction. You were put on the defensive and it became very awkward."

"Are you a friendship guru on top of everything else, Sensei?"

He ignored her sullen tone. "Tenten was hurt. That much is true. But that didn't mean she dropped you as a friend the moment something went wrong." Softly, he added, "And now you've made up, but that still doesn't excuse your attitude. Not then, not even now."

"I told you about the seal."

"Yes." Iruka's face gave away nothing.

"That day, mine was activated for the first time."

For one brief moment, his features twisted uglily before he forced his anger down. "Hiashi, then."

Neji felt a little bit better after seeing his reaction. "Yeah. Afterwards, I came out a little...anyway, the point is Tenten was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"...I see."

She peered closely at him, wondering maybe he was angrier than she thought. "Hinata came to me after I was hurt, apologizing and breaking down. It was all very pathetic and I don't understand why she did that." Her eyes narrowed. "I think...that was when I fully realized that I never truly hated her, but instead I was disgusted at her impotence. I still am. So...no, I don't _really_ hate Hinata. Can you understand why I couldn't stand Kurenai-san when she confronted me like she did?"

"Hiashi hurt you."

She should have known. "Yes," she said cautiously. "But, Sensei, I'm fine. It's over."

Iruka glowered at her. "You're fine now. Good, so when will he activate it again? When will he cut you down again?"

It was her turn to look exasperated. "Sensei, we've been over this. You can't do anything for me."

His eyes dropped to the floor, and his voice came out low. "I know."

* * *

Next chapter is an interlude of when the two of them first met.


	25. Interlude: Beginnings

After churning out 25ish chapters, I finally got writer's block. The good thing is the Chunnin Exams are nearing, meaning the fic is almost over...the bad news is, I have no inspiration to continue at the moment. If the mood strikes me, I'll continue to add on the drabbles. Otherwise, if you've been here with me this far, thanks!

* * *

"Hyuuga Neji…I am pleased to make your acquaintance. Please take care of me."

"A-ah…yes, Neji-kun. I am pleased to meet you as well."

Hyuuga Neji slowly lifted her gaze off the floor. Her gaze was pointed and direct and met his eyes squarely. "I am not a boy, Sensei. Please correct your honorific. I do not wish to be mistaken for the opposite sex, if you will."

Her new teacher laughed, but there was something embarrassed to it. "Of course, Neji-san. It's just...well, your clothes..." She twitched, but he didn't seem to notice. "Anyways, I am your new instructor. This year at the academy, our training will become much more rigorous. If you have any problems, don't hesitate to come to me—"

"Sensei."

"Yes?"

Neji's lips were pressed tight. "I do not know how to address you."

"Oh. Oh! Yes, of course, I am Morino Iruka, but you're, ah, free to address me as you have done so far, Neji-san."

What a strange creature he was. "Yes, Sensei," she murmured. "I understand that you are supposed to meet my guardian…but he cannot come here. I am his advocate. I will do just as well. I trust there are no problems with this arrangement?"

There was sudden understanding in those eyes. His face softened and his tone was kind. "Wouldn't you rather have your parents with you? I know that first year students have not entered this part of the building and it is easy to get lost…"

"My parents are dead," she said dismissively. "This is hardly important enough for my guardian to attend. I am here in his stead. Please continue."

His features tightened minutely when he looked down—to hide it?—but she caught it anyway. She wondered what was going on in that mind of his; this orientation was going along far too slowly for her tastes. There must be a way to make this man speak to her. She was not a child, after all. "I know I am young, Sensei, but I am hardly stupid. I can handle myself easily, if that is what you are worried about. I will not get lost and I will never hurt myself in practical practice. And as I must be going soon, can we please get this over with?"

"Of course," he said. "You said you are acting as your guardian's…advocate. First off, what is it that he wants to know?"

"When school is finished for the day," she immediately said. "Unlike my future classmates, I have a…_rigorous_ schedule to keep to daily."

Iruka pursed his lips, but not in an irate fashion. He looked thoughtful, she realized, but not in a good way. "There are other clansmen enrolled, Neji-san. You are hardly the first to have additional training," he said slowly.

"I know that, Sensei. That is not what my guardian is asking, though."

"It is different with every year, but, if you want, the times of your classes that can easily be rearranged."

"Done."

"All right. Now I have a question of my own. Who is your 'guardian'?"

She stiffened, and as her eyes narrowed he saw that she was a shrewd child. "It is not in your place to know. Who are you to demand such a thing from me?"

"Your teacher," he said shortly. "As the shinobi in charge of your welfare while you are in this building, it's in my place to know my students' business, even if they do not wish it. That is my decree as an instructor of this academy."

"That decree of yours sounds like a terrible obligation. Why would you force yourself through such a thing? There are untold burdens waiting for you. You will grow attach to your students—you already have, haven't you?" Her voice grew quiet, sharp in its accusation. "What do you do when one of them dies? All of that person's hopes and dreams were at least known by you, am I correct? Why would you want to carry such a stupid obligation like that?"

"It is my nindo, my way of a shinobi." His voice was just as sharp as hers. "Everything you've said is true, Neji-san…but you can never convince me to give up what I believe is right."

Neji deflated, slumping in her seat. "You will only get hurt," she whispered. "How can you bear it?"

"It's because I care, Neji-san. I care very much for all of my students…even my most difficult ones." Iruka looked pointedly at her.

Straightening almost immediately, she hissed, "Don't you dare care for me! It's uncalled for. Not necessary at all."

"Neji…" he hesitated, "who is your guardian."

She glared, but it was half-hearted. She seemed more tired than anything. "Still going on about that, I see."

Iruka hadn't noticed until now, but her speech had become a lot less stiff, less formal, and more natural. Her rapid, punctuated words suited her much more than the careful control and poise she held over herself before, he realized.

It was, he reflected, a nice change.

His resulting grin was broad. Ignoring her suddenly wary look, he cheerfully replied, "Why, yes. Yes, I am. Who is your guardian?"

"Why do you want to know anyway? It's not important."

Iruka closed his gaping mouth. "Of course it is," he said. "Who is taking care of you…I find that very much important."

"You are the most…fine. You want to know who my guardian is so badly? The man taking care of me is _Hyuuga Hiashi_."

He stared at her. "As in…"

"Yes," she bit off. "The head of my clan is taking care of me. It is not a known fact." Her glare was real this time. "Do not go spreading this around."

"You mean, as his ward…?" He still couldn't wrap his head around the idea. But at the same time, he grew angry at the thought; the Hyuuga clan head clearly hadn't even deign the academy his presence, let alone the orientation meeting of his ward.

"Yes, I am his ward."

_She's lying_, he realized suddenly. But why? And…how?

After all, Hyuuga Neji sounded so calm and casual and _accepting_ of the fact. But then, that would mean she was demeaning her own person in regards to her guardian. When she said those words, she sounded, for all the world, to be telling the truth. But she was not kunoichi, and Iruka had been a shinobi for longer than she'd lived. _Who was Hyuuga Hiashi to her_?

He kept his thoughts in check. "Of course," he said. "What else could you be?"

And when she finally looked away, he knew that he had won. But he did not feel triumphant at all; this was child's play.

Instead, he felt the strangest sort of dread.

_Who was Hyuuga Hiashi to her?_

It wouldn't leave him alone.

* * *

The irony of this chapter in correlation to the last should be left unsaid. After all, Iruka knows far too well exactly who Hiashi is to her.


	26. Stagnance

As a Hyuuga, certain things were expected of her.

And the greatest of such was pride; pride in the clan, pride in her people, pride in their strength.

If the facade of their arrogance was to be swept away, and each and every Hyuuga stripped bare and revealed for all the world to see, the villagers would not see pride, then, but fear. Terror of the movable, the transience, the progress.

Because their clan was a dead clan. Fixated in one spot, one moment in time, and never moving. No two steps back—but neither did they progress. The power of the clan was held not in their power but in the _remembrance_ of their power. Memories were powerful things, and the village remembered fitfully of what those white-eyed devils were capable of.

All the world and its peoples reared their adulating heads and screamed at such power. Even now Cloud beckoned its shinobi to fish for Hyuuga were the opportunity to arose.

And yet the Hyuuga were stagnant, held suspended in place.

Their power was held in remembrance, and they all too eagerly backed it up with reminders of their strength. Certainly they excelled in their specialty, certainly each and every member was powerful in his own right. But when it all boiled down to it, the Hyuuga clan was in it for the politics.

They thrived in the political arena of cutthroat, no-nonsense business made all the more potent with the addition of shinobi fabrication and manipulation. The acts and dealings and subtitles of the clan was shrouded within layers and layers of obfuscation. No one clansman, however great his sight may be, could pierce the multi-layers of the Hyuuga with little effort.

Politics was a lifetime path. Ever shifting, bending, it heeded to no two people at once. And whoever claimed such power, reigned in the fickleness of poise, subtlety, finesse, and negotiation—why, then, the man's diplomacy was astounding and sure.

Very rarely did Hyuuga women manage to tear, wrest, and claw their way up into such a position of power. To be a councilman was not a right but a privileged. And just as any privileged could be given so, too, could it be yanked away.

It was this circle of old, jaded Hyuuga clansmen, men and women who'd lived too long and was without the vigor of youth, men and women who were too old to muster up passion beyond their pride, who decided the heiress's fate.

Hyuuga Hinata seemed to hold little promise in the shinobi arts—however long they'd attempted force a noble tutelage onto the ungrateful girl—and so it was a widely accepted belief within the clan that the heiress would inevitably end up as a pawn in the political arena. However, were she to prove herself adept at climbing the ranks and hierarchy of the village as a shinobi until eventually she was in the Hokage's most private esteem...well, then, the clan would simply use her as its great connection. There was nothing immoral to that. It was simply the way things worked.

The status quo the Hyuuga so desperately tried to preserve.

And though the girl was a delicate thing now with slim hips and barely within her inheritance of a childbearing body—yet—perhaps in a few years she'd be able to bear an heir without killing herself in the process.

If not, there was always Hiashi's youngest to take her place, the elders dismissed.

And all the while the Hyuuga gossiped and plotted, the newly made genin Hyuuga heiress was all too aware of the political ramifications of her position _were she to fail_.

Fail at fighting. Fail at being a proud and proper Hyuuga. _Fail in the upcoming chunnin exams_.

And she was terrified.

"Nee...Neesan...N-Neji-neesan...!"

"Enough, Hinata-sama," the older girl hissed, eyes roaming over the heiress's features. "This is the way it has always been. This is your fate. Gracefully accept it or fight against it—it matters little to me. You can't possibly deny this future. Did you expect any differently, you little fool?"

This was what Hinata expected when she, trembling, approached her cousin in a secreted corridor, cast only by moonlight. And when she cried out Neji's name, she expected nothing less than hissed words and that terrible glare...

But the meeting went altogether differently.

Neji first searched her younger cousin's eyes. _For what?_ was Hinata's desperate thought. _What is she looking for?_

The prodigy cocked her head, tresses unbound and left to sway. Every movement the experienced genin made was graceful, elegant. Her gaze was slow, appraising, expression as calm and bland as any servant speaking to her master.

Such control of emotion and self wrenched at Hinata's courage. And she was in despair. "Neji—"

"Has it ever occurred to you," the elder girl said, "that you're not the only one who is not free?"

In their youth they were such close friends, sisters. More than mere cousins, they were each other's confidante. The world couldn't have teared them apart.

Hinata wanted to weep. "Please, Neji-neesan, you have to listen!"

Coolly, Neji watched her.

The heiress scrambled for words. "You heard what Father said. Until I became genin, there'd be no more talk of any husband for me. But now I am a genin! I have to pass the exams—I have to prove that I am strong enough to be free of any man!"

"For now," Neji said. "But what of later? When Hiashi-sama has died? And the clan is clamoring for an heir? And if you were a chunnin, what then? You'd have to step down and take up the cross you bear. You'd have to give up your career for the clan."

Hinata's chest was heaving with her erratic breaths, emotions. "And if I became a jounin? If I was in the middle of raising a team of genin, would I have to give them up? They'd make me stop and take me back to the clan?"

Neji's mouth thinned. "Are chunnin hopefuls more important than bearing your own real children? It's subjective in this village, I suppose. The Hokage places trust in every jounin instructor he expects to teach. Our leader's orders supersedes everything else, and yet there is the clan to consider."

"I just...I just want..."

"What you _want_," Neji said, eyes narrowing, "is a way out. You asked me to meet you...why? So that I could give you the answers you so want to hear? I am a servant in this household, if you will recall. I've no place in your world."

"That's not true! You—Neji-neesan, you're so strong...!"

"And you think my strength will protect me, ensure my place within the clan?"

"Please..."

"Enough, Hinata-sama," the older girl said, eyes roaming over the heiress's features. "This is the way it has always been. This is your fate. Gracefully accept it or fight against it—it matters little to me. You can't possibly deny this future. Did you expect any differently?"

Hinata's tears shown, glinting, in the night's light.

Neji's voice quieted a fraction. "But perhaps...there is one thing you can do at this point."

With trembling hands and a sobbing face, Hinata trained herself against a wooden post in an obscure field until she bled. And her astonished teacher, Kurenai, found her then.

"Please...Kurenai-sensei, I have been trying so hard! I must see Neji-neesan again! My cousin who won't...who won't even look at me..."

Neji, it turned out, was to be found in the baths. And the genin prodigy was most certainly not in the greatest of moods.


End file.
